For Nichole

Below you will find what I wrote in the middle night after my sweet friend of nearly 30 years passed away and read at her service the evening before her funeral. Nichole used to call us “sister friends” because over the years we behaved like sisters. We fought, we spoke our mind, we cried with each other, we laughed until our sides hurt, we dreamed together, etc. One thing she always told me was that I had a gift of words whether spoken or written. I still doubt that and am trying really hard to have that faith in myself as she had in me.

A few years ago I woke up to the words “Finding Him Beside Her” running through my head … I assumed it was the title to a book about myself I was supposed to write. It has yet to get very far. Then other ideas about helping others share their story have come to me. Finally, when I was writing this you will notice that as I was typing the end I did not even think about it until the words were typed out “helping her find Him beside her” that I just let the tears fall. The Holy Spirit leads us and stays with us until we finally get it. I think this moment with Nichole has confirmed many things for me about my own journey, but first I need sometime to figure out life without her in it. For now please read the words that I believe she wanted to share with everyone. I believe there are still more things she will want me to share with you, but that will be later.

Hello my name is Kelly Knieper. I am a friend of Nichole’s, one of the sassy friends.

We have been friends since High School, but over the last few years I feel fortunate to have shared something more with her.

The summer after her diagnosed Nichole and I escaped to Tawas for a weekend. We had some pretty deep talks about death, friendship, faith, and other random girl talk. It seems that one of these conversations had me promising to never ask her questions and to let her be in charge of all conversation that revolved around her. I ended up promising her that the only question I would ask was “How are you today?” She laughed at that and then looked me straight in the face “I will hold you to that promise.” The next morning and days to come I wondered what I had done.

Well, guess what? You can learn a great deal about a person when you listen and watch them. Wait in the silence for them to share their heart. I did keep my promise I never had a clue what med she was on or when her appointments were. I HATED it at times. It was really hard living in a state of unknown, but what I learned about my dearest friend and what she asked me to help her with means so much more.

One day I received a text from her that she just finished reading a Karen Kingsbury book with some ladies at work. She knew I have read her books for years. She asked me why I did not do more to encourage her to read them before now. She shared with me how nice it was to read stories about people that struggled, but also had great faith. From that day forward I started to hear her talk more about faith. It was something different than attending Mass, or even just a general faith talk, it was more about who God was to her.

In the fall of 2017 we made plans to go to Nashville. A trip we had always talked about taking. In March 2018 she approached me about changing the dates of the trip to be able to attend a book signing by Karen Kingsbury. In all honesty, I did not want to switch the dates, because it would mean I would get home JUST in time for our dance recital. We were at the Barnes & Noble waiting and looking at books when the power went out. We waited an hour at tables wondering if the event would be cancelled. They could let us stay, but they could not let others in. Then Nichole noticed a pretty nice SUV pull up and IMMEDIATELY the lights came on. It was crazy. Karen shared with us that evening that on their way to the bookstore her husband felt the need to pray for the event. There were only about ten people in attendance that night so the event was set up like a round table type event. Listening to others share the impact her stories have had on their lives and hearing about the stories she was working on made for a very special evening. At the end of the event, Nichole and I walked out of the building to a FULL rainbow. Once we were in the car Nichole was very quiet for a while. Eventually, she said “That was a very powerful evening for me. I can’t quite put it all into words, but I do know that writers can change lives and I NEED you to write more. I know you do not believe in yourself, but I believe God gives you words. I love how you love Jesus, like He is your best friend. I also know that I want to learn more about that.” I told her, “You can! God is my Father, Jesus is my friend, and the Spirit is my guide. You can have that, too.”

The next day we visited a bookstore in Franklin that one of Karen’s books is based on. I felt so blessed to hear her having a wonderful conversation with the owner about his faith, asking him questions about Jesus, books, and sources she could learn more about having a personal relationship with Jesus.

Over those three years we also had many other conversations over breakfast, the phone, text messages that grew after each of our bigger events. One day we were at the Barnes & Noble in Flint (yea we liked bookstores) where she ended up asking me to go through the christian book section for more good fiction, devotions, some titles on healing some of her emotions, and what I may have read to develop my relationship with Jesus.

This past summer she mentioned her mom told her she should write a book, but she wasn’t sure about an actual book. She mentioned wanting to share her story though and asked about her and I doing some sort of blog together. We talked about a name and topics we would talk about. I had an event coming up at our church. So I gave her homework and we were to get started in October, but October came and went. We never did get past that point.

Today I think she would want everyone to know she came to know Jesus in a very personal way and THAT brought her a “peace beyond understanding.” I know that is why she was not afraid to go and why she knew everyone she left would be okay. Yes, we did have that conversation, too. If was brief, but we both had lost enough people we loved to know those left behind would be okay. She had come to experience His love and knew she was headed somewhere pretty special. Maybe that is why she asked me to help share her story 6 months ago. She wanted me here right now telling you that she knew you/we would all be okay, especially if we had Jesus by our side.

One last thing about her journey that I believe brought her to the point of asking me to help her find that friendship with Him. As some of you know Nichole was a big Wonder Woman fan. I on the other hand am a Marvel fan so I have a Captain Marvel story that I think describes Nichole. No spoilers…I promise! So, there is this scene where Carol (Captain Marvel) is held captive and being forced to watch scenes from her life. Scenes of people abusing her, of people bullying her, of people knocking her down, and of people telling her she wasn’t good enough. Then as a viewer you get a glimpse of Carol and you can tell she is getting stronger. Next back to all those flashbacks and what do you see, but Carol getting back up EVERY single time and FACING her attackers. That is the moment that Captain Marvel … well I did say no spoilers. Yet, I can tell you that scene will forever remind me of Nichole’s life and her strength. How no matter what people threw at her, did to her, said to her, etc she continually got back up and FACED everything head on. I recall a time she was doubting her strength and I reminded her all she had already survived. She had the faith all along…she just needed a little help FEELING it. So, I may have led her to finding Him beside her, but she taught me about being BRAVE … the past 27 years I watched her get back up and face life with grace, kindness, and forgiveness.

I love you my sweet, dear, beautiful friend. You better be at the gates to greet me!