It has been a few days since I shared anything with you and I am sorry, but with our weather and a head cold I have been trying to get through the MUST do’s of each day.
The other day my husband and I were talking about a day we have coming up that two kids would have to be somewhere at the same time, but in opposite directions AND it is a day that he worked the night before so will need to sleep. We discussed a strategy, which will work out beautifully. I even talked about it with the kids so they knew what to expect that day.
Later that day I was washing a few dishes, looking out a window into our back yard, and like my mind always does it wondered into a stream of thoughts. You know the kind that take you to somewhere glorious, but when you try to share it with someone they are all confused as to why you were thinking about that and how in the world one thought took you all the way to that final thought…you know, right? ANYWAY, I was looking out the window (I will spare you the thought trail) when eventually it occurred to me “I hope our kids are learning about our love for them by observing the sacrifices we make and not because of what they are gaining due to those sacrifices!”
First of all, with four children and a Daddy that works 6-7 days a week so Momma can stay home (I just had to break to dress a Barbie doll…I knew you would want to know) there are plenty of events that both or at least one parent cannot make it to. Whether it be because we are both running kids somewhere, or one is running and one is home with the others, or one is working/sleeping, or as in the case of horse riding Mom is severely allergic to the barn and cannot go in. It occurred to me that dish washing day that I hoped our kids choose not see us NOT there, but rather chose to see all the other stuff. Do they see how much Dad has to miss, because it was important Mom was home? I hope they grasp how much of his income goes to pay for the activities they are in. I began reflecting on this and thinking I hope they would grow up to love us more for that and not grow up wondering why we were not always there.
Secondly, I hoped they were not growing up loving the stuff Daddy’s money bought them, but rather loving the time it took to earn that money and loving the fact that he willingly choose to spend it on their desires, dreams, and passions instead of his own. Or are they loving the recital costumes or riding equipment rather than the Daddy that worked really hard to earn the money to buy those things. Are they loving Mom for being there every day for them or for the time she gives up being her own person so she can do what God called her to do?
So, I reflected on this and thought the only way to ensure that our kids are seeing and getting all this that we desire for them is to ALWAYS talk to them. We talk to them sometimes people are baffled by our choice to explain things to kids. You know “They are the kids. You are the parent. They should just deal with it!” mentality? For whatever reason, we do not always take that route. We tell our kids how it is. That it is not all about money, but money is needed to pay bills and such. That we are a family and families work together to achieve the family goal first and then the individual goals.
They may not completely get it. They may wish Mom and Dad BOTH could be at everything, but we are a part of a team … and that they get and respect. They know Daddy doesn’t CHOOSE to work every day of the week because he wants to, but because Mom and Dad want other things for the family that require Daddy to work. As a result, they do not whine about where we are. They never question why someone isn’t there. They are grasping the idea that we all work together to clean house, do laundry, and get everyone everywhere they want to be. It is a TEAM effort.
Final thought…Is their love for you rooted in the fact that you were there or is it in the fact that they know why you were not? Do they love you because you bought them that prized toy or because they know what it took for you to buy it? Do they love you because you are there at practice all the time or because you made it happen for them to be at practice? I think they should understand it both ways and love/respect you for it all.
God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!
No Comments