We have plenty of battles in our house. No, not between the Mom and the Dad, but yep you guessed it between the kiddo’s! Who makes the mistake of interfering? Come on you know you all did at least once. What happens? Anything good? My journey to self discovery and sibling relationship or rivalry has been a bumpy dirt road.
From the get go I desired my kids to be best friends. To hug each other. To love and encourage one another. Blah Blah Blah and pigs flew right?? When this did not ALWAYS occur and the knock down fights occurred I stepped right in. Threw in my 50 cents. I even some how managed to take sides when I did not have all the facts. Yep, can you believe that? Then I had a very pivotal conversation with a relative that shared how when her kids were young they would come running, screaming, fighting and saying “so and so did this to me”…”well they did this to me” and so on. She then proceeded to discipline them or at least one of them. Flash forward to today and she is explaining to me that at one Christmas they were home sharing stories and she was learning that she nearly always punished the wrong one. She said if she had it to do again, then she would let them battle it out. This was a light bulb over my head. A profound moment for me. God using this relative to share a parable with me. I then recall how my Mom worked when we were young and not always home to interfere with our fights. We just battled it out. Did it hurt our relationship at all. Nope, now my brothers, with my husband, are my best friends. This thought was another light bulb moment that sent me flashing me back to my college child psychology class hearing “siblings that are allowed to fight when young are more likely to be friends as adults”. From this moment I realized this, they fight, I interfere, someone is punished, and five minutes later they are best friends. I am then left wondering “what just happened here?” Finally, I gave up even getting involved even when they are horribly mean to each other. Instead, I stand in the wings praying for peace…in my life 🙂 … no seriously I do ask God to bring them peace. It works!
A recent example of this, though I can share something from at least 3 times a day usually from the middle girls, I will share just one story. I am showering when #1 daughter is drying her hands with the towel when #2 daughter grabs the towel from her saying “I need it more! My hands are more wetter!” So, goes the battle over a towel. I standing in the shower; apparently, have not learned my lesson, yet, so I throw in my 50 cents about being nice to each other, sharing, etc. I get the usual replies “she started it”, “she is mean”, “I do not like waiting”, etc etc I finally gave up. I continue to then wonder what am I doing wrong that they fight so badly. Then I recall my promise to not interfere, to let them battle it out, and pray. So, what happens not 7 minutes later? They are walking through the hall nearly hand in hand headed down stairs to play Barbie’s. SERIOUSLY….and my husband just shakes his hand saying “WOMEN!”
I can honestly say that I have been going strong now for 2 months on not interfering and things between them all seems better than ever. I am sure more issues will arise and as they get older the issues most likely will become bigger. We are prepared to interfere when we feel it is a most. I am not saying that this as an expert on parenting or even an expert on MY KIDS just that this one little thing has helped preserve SOME sanity in our home. Hopefully, adult relationships as well.
God Bless! I lift this up to God and hope it finds someone that needs a light bulb moment. Praying for you all!
DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on anything except my kids and our home. Even then I am learning every day to care for them in the best ways I know how. Please to do not take anything as if I am a professional. I am just a Momma on a journey of her own. Along that journey I am sharing my/our story. My posts are meant to entertain and encourage others. Do not take anything and use it in your own life without proper research, prayer, and discussion with a spouse. I am an advocate for family rights to do what is BEST for their family based on their family’s individual needs.
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May 18, 2015 at 3:05 amIncredible story there. What happened after? Thanks!
Kelly
June 17, 2015 at 9:54 pmSo far so good. Still doing our best not to interfere. Yet, there are those moments when their anger needs to be directed. I have learned though from the experts that allowing your kids to express their emotions is great for them. They feel safe and you can guide them on how it is best to deal with it all. Some days I want to hide my head in a hole though or change my name to Daddy! 😉
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June 17, 2015 at 9:51 pmAWE….thanks so much for your kind words. Definitely keep up to date with my posts. As I get more and more time I plan to share more and more, but right now my number 1 is my husband and kids.
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