Nudges From God

A great deal has been happening in the Knieper home the past six months, but before I get to all that I will give some of our back story in a quick paragraph. First, we started homeschooling in 2009 with our now 14 year old son. Over the course of our schooling we have had struggles with dyslexia. Next, we reached a stage where we decided I would look for some sort of job online to help out with things. I began teaching online classes for The Academy at Bright Ideas Press. I have loved it and have learned a tremendous amount. Finally, over the past two years our Meredith mentioned at different times she thought she would want to attend a school. We were okay with that, but wanted to give her more time to work through her dyslexia struggles and we wanted to make sure it was a Christian education. Also, during these two years I always felt like I was fighting to get into routine. Like we were always under a spiritual attack. I was praying protection over our family, finances, health, and homeschool. I just could not shake that feeling that something was not right.

Onto the past six months that will eventually overlap into events in that first paragraph.

On February 4, 2019 I had a dream of myself and my girls walking into a school. I woke up during the night startled. See I have had dreams in the past that have come true. I laid there thinking about my dream. I remembered the girls were dressed similar and were wearing blue. I remember trying to remember if Joe was with us. He was not, but I remember feeling like he was also in school. I fell back asleep and in the morning I was looking at my Bible App daily scripture. It was from Isiah 43:19 “I am about to do something new.” So, NOW I am definitely startled. Is God really talking to me through my dreams? Will we really have to end our homeschool journey? What about my online job that I love? About this same time my best friend’s health started failing so I was able to ignore that this was even a possibility.

Skip ahead to April when I noticed New Lothrop had a posting for a high school teacher, which I was relieved to see was not my certification. Relieved because I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to work and put our kids in school. Yet, I found myself also a little sad I couldn’t apply. So, after mulling that over a bit I realized it might be worth looking to see what might be available. I mean…the dream, Meredith’s desire, and our prayers over our finances, etc.

Now we are in May and I decided to look again and notice TWO positions were available at a Catholic school in Lansing. BOTH were in my certification, but 45 minutes away. I spoke with my husband and his reply went something like this “No way! You are not driving to Lansing. What would you do about the kids? You’d have to leave at like 6:30. What about winter? I do not want you working full-time while I am on 2nd shift. It is too much! Maybe if it was at St. Paul’s we would consider it.” End of story…I am not sure he even took a breath. Ha!

Our June was extremely busy and kept my mind occupied with things other than a Ladies Weekend trip my friend from Owosso invited me on. I was interested in going, but too busy to think about it. Then I had been so busy I was thinking I may rather just stay home. BUT the trip NEVER left my mind or my gut…like I knew I had to go, but my flesh was tired. Ha!

Now we are in the 1st week of July and I am still going back and forth with the Ladies Weekend. I have some down time and up comes that dream again and my thoughts that God was truly doing something new. In all honesty though I was also afraid to let go of homeschooling…friendships, my shelves of curriculum, our time together, our individualized education, etc. All good stuff right? Yet, something told me I needed to jump in and let God have control. I looked again at jobs and Googled “Teaching Jobs in Shiawassee County”. You all … on that list was St Paul’s Middle School Social Studies Teacher. If you remember above that was the school my husband rattled off in his deep breath argument against the Lansing school. Of all schools…he mentioned St Paul’s…and NOW there is was a job at St Paul’s. I thought my heart stopped. I couldn’t believe it. THEN I realized I was excited. WHAT? Why was I excited? I don’t want a job, right? I couldn’t work full-time with Antony on 2nd shift. I would be running from 8am to 8pm every day. Plus, my ministry at our church what would I do there? I did mention it to Anthony. He was concerned about the same things…full-time, running kids every night, tuition costs for the girls, would pay be worth all my work, etc. So, for about 7 days we mulled it over and my head kept saying no, but my damn (sorry it is fitting) gut/intuition KNEW there was more to the story. MEANWHILE, my friend that invited me on the Ladies weekend and another friend attending are connected with St Paul’s. So, I asked them a few questions and asked them to PRAY for discernment. I was praying hard (had been for 3 months now) that God would open doors and close doors. I needed a clear path. Ha!

Now before I continue ALOT happened after this. It was back and forth fast. July 8 I had access to my online classes for the first time and learned my numbers were small. Was this a closing door? I am going on the ladies weekend, but still looking for a ride. I learn one of the ladies going TEACHES at St Paul’s. Really? Skip ahead to Thursday…I have a ride and we leave Friday…I am packing and find myself sitting at the computer revising my resume and submitting it for the job. WHAT? I am not really sure why I did it, other than I have really felt like God had a plan AND I couldn’t get answers to the unknowns unless I did. I wrote a 3 paragraph cover letter explaining why I was hesitating in applying, but ended it with “I am only applying because I feel like I am supposed to and I am well aware that sometimes what we want is not what God wants for us.”

We arrive to the Ladies Weekend and through the course of conversations I learned that the position was part-time and I had a better idea about the tuition expense. I kept texting my hubby, who kept replying “Great, but go have fun!” That Friday (the 12th) night I received an email asking if I would want to interview Tuesday, the 16th, at 9:30am. Everyone was very excited and began praying all the little details would work out and for my discernment. That night on FB I saw a prayer “Rest tonight knowing what is on your mind is in God’s hands.” I shared it the next day I couldn’t believe how fitting it was.

July 16th interview day. Everything went great!! Yet, my anxiety was high not really knowing how it went on their end. Then I kept telling myself “Whatever God had planned would be a blessing and perfect.” That weekend my two different devotionals focused on waiting on the lord…one Saturday and one Sunday. The most powerful line in Sunday’s devotion I read that night was “Remember you are waiting on the Lord.” I had an instant wave of peace come over me and KNEW the job was mine and God worked out all the details. I even have a text message trail to prove it. Ha!

July 22 on my 4 mile walk while I was ending mile 3 my phone rings. The principal was calling to offer me the part-time position and ran through all the details, which I repeated back to her, because I truly did not believe the blessings were real. I told her I would let her know that afternoon after I spoke with my husband and kids again. We hung up and I SOBBED…I know many of you know I am a crier, but this was different. I SOBBED. I almost got down on my knees right in the middle of the road to praise all He did. Instead I walked and praised and gave thanks. After we ran all the numbers we realized He DOUBLED what we had been asking in prayer for two years. Yep…there is that two years again. Almost to the day of when I started praying for it. I have a journal record to prove it. Ha!

July 23 TobyMac’s daily post was “Never be afraid to change, you may lose something good, but you many gain something even better.” There was my conviction…as if I needed another one…that it was ALL God. Add in our girls were very excited AND the dress code/uniform colors are BLUE, tan, and white. Recall my girls were wearing BLUE in my dream. God is GOOD! Yes, He speaks to us anyway He can reach you.

So, here we go on a whole new adventure. We are under no delusions that it will be an easy transition. We are praying for our protection since it is obvious God wants us there that probably means Satan does not. In it all though I know God’s plans for the adventure are ONLY JUST BEGINNING.

God is nudging you, too. Are you listening? He communicates through ANYthing to get your attention…people, music, books, etc. Are you feeling something in your gut? Are you fighting a “force” all the time and in constant frustration? Discern…is God sending you a message? This has been a VERY humbling experience and I can honestly say it has felt so good I hope more of His hand in our life is just around the corner.

I am praying for you all. Please pray for me?

 

 

 

Books are Frightening!!

I vividly recall watching our son over and over again RUN to his room screaming and crying when he seen papers, pencils, books, etc.

I vividly recall yelling at him or raising my voice at him thinking he was being lazy or just making excuses to avoid school time.

I vividly recall this with tears streaming down my face from shame or guilt that I have now let go of and now forgiven myself for. I mean come on I knew no better. We can only parent to the extent of what we know.

The pain I felt for him and his tears. I began to pray like I had not prayed in a long time for God to show me to reveal to me what was wrong. Halfway through his 1st grade year I SEEN it like I had never seen it before. I seen the “b and d” mix ups. I seen the confusion of words like “was and saw”. I thought, “Could this be dyslexia? God could it be?” Then I seen him struggle with his Math facts. “Help me Lord! How do I help our son?” I then started searching online and found check list after check list or symptoms or signs of dyslexia.  I remember just starring at the computer sobbing over the past year of pain he was in and the needless struggles we had. I sobbed over the relief to know, to finally know, that we could in fact get through this and LEARN.

I vividly recall the pain he physically had at the sight of a book. The FEAR in his face to even HOLD a book. The anguish I felt as his Mommy, who did not know where to start. Thankfully, I have dyslexia all over my family ..”Ha thankfully….that is funny!” … I could turn to them for wisdom. I turned to the internet for curriculum and reviews. I learned I, in fact, could teach him at home. I realized in hindsight that this was one reason God led us to this crazy world of home schooling. He would never get at school what I could give him at home. DO NOT ARGUE with me on this one you well may think you are right in your convictions, but I am his Mom and that trumps your convictions all day long.

So, where are we at today? Well, in fact we were at the Library today. Returning books and checking out new ones. Easy readers still. Not at grade level, yet. Reading Thanksgiving Day prayer in front of family. Standing up in co-op to read his essays that he is creating. We still struggle with spelling, but our math has improved. I say “we” and “our” because this is a family and we struggle together and share victories together. I as the teacher am grateful to know now what I know to help the younger sister with her dyslexia.

I vividly see him holding a flash light in his bed reading a book, as I feel the tears swell in my eyes, and feel my heart ready to burst with joy.

I vividly hear him asking to do more History, because he LOVES the stories.

I vividly see him beating the clock on his Math facts and asking to do Logic and Problem Solving sheets.

No he is not at what our government says is his grade level, but our boy has come very far and continues to improve by LEAPS and BOUNDS every day. Mostly, in the area that counts the most, his confidence.

Thank You Lord for leading my heart, giving my eyes to see, ears to hear, …. the journey continues.