I vividly recall watching our son over and over again RUN to his room screaming and crying when he seen papers, pencils, books, etc.
I vividly recall yelling at him or raising my voice at him thinking he was being lazy or just making excuses to avoid school time.
I vividly recall this with tears streaming down my face from shame or guilt that I have now let go of and now forgiven myself for. I mean come on I knew no better. We can only parent to the extent of what we know.
The pain I felt for him and his tears. I began to pray like I had not prayed in a long time for God to show me to reveal to me what was wrong. Halfway through his 1st grade year I SEEN it like I had never seen it before. I seen the “b and d” mix ups. I seen the confusion of words like “was and saw”. I thought, “Could this be dyslexia? God could it be?” Then I seen him struggle with his Math facts. “Help me Lord! How do I help our son?” I then started searching online and found check list after check list or symptoms or signs of dyslexia. I remember just starring at the computer sobbing over the past year of pain he was in and the needless struggles we had. I sobbed over the relief to know, to finally know, that we could in fact get through this and LEARN.
I vividly recall the pain he physically had at the sight of a book. The FEAR in his face to even HOLD a book. The anguish I felt as his Mommy, who did not know where to start. Thankfully, I have dyslexia all over my family ..”Ha thankfully….that is funny!” … I could turn to them for wisdom. I turned to the internet for curriculum and reviews. I learned I, in fact, could teach him at home. I realized in hindsight that this was one reason God led us to this crazy world of home schooling. He would never get at school what I could give him at home. DO NOT ARGUE with me on this one you well may think you are right in your convictions, but I am his Mom and that trumps your convictions all day long.
So, where are we at today? Well, in fact we were at the Library today. Returning books and checking out new ones. Easy readers still. Not at grade level, yet. Reading Thanksgiving Day prayer in front of family. Standing up in co-op to read his essays that he is creating. We still struggle with spelling, but our math has improved. I say “we” and “our” because this is a family and we struggle together and share victories together. I as the teacher am grateful to know now what I know to help the younger sister with her dyslexia.
I vividly see him holding a flash light in his bed reading a book, as I feel the tears swell in my eyes, and feel my heart ready to burst with joy.
I vividly hear him asking to do more History, because he LOVES the stories.
I vividly see him beating the clock on his Math facts and asking to do Logic and Problem Solving sheets.
No he is not at what our government says is his grade level, but our boy has come very far and continues to improve by LEAPS and BOUNDS every day. Mostly, in the area that counts the most, his confidence.
Thank You Lord for leading my heart, giving my eyes to see, ears to hear, …. the journey continues.