Throughout my 41 years of life I have grown up on and shared with my girls the wonder of the Princess and Prince stories. As I have grown up I have read the many opinion’s about how WRONG it is to allow your daughter to have those false ideas about what relationships are or what a marriage is. I found myself wondering about that for … a moment….

See I LOVE romance. I LOVE watching chick-flicks. I LOVE watching all things princess with my girls. Yet, they also see me with their Daddy, who does not meet any of those romantic standards at all. He isn’t the buy my flowers, candy, or similar gifts. He doesn’t plan or organize spontaneous weekends away.  Believe you and me there are times when I have wondered why in the heck doesn’t he do these things. There are plenty of times I missed or longed for that in our relationship. PRAYER does wonders for things we feel we are missing out on. A funny thing happens when you pray for someone sometimes God shows you what YOU WERE MISSING the entire time.

My girls and I enjoy those movies. We also enjoy time talking about God’s will for our lives. They also see their Daddy and Mommy having a kiss or hug in the kitchen. They see Mom sit on Dads lap every once in awhile. They see us being silly. They see us working together to haul wood into the basement. They see their Dad cooking meals. They see their Dad changing their baby sister’s diaper. They see their Dad taking their Mom on a date…that yes Mom planned, but Dad is willing to go and spend time with their Mom. See they see us making time for each other; however, that maybe.

Even though my husband, their Dad, isn’t the sort to make a mix tape (ha!) for their Mom he is the type to love her, pray for her, work like hell to make her dreams come true, provide for her and their kids, work like hell to make THEIR dreams come true, and finally he is the type to grow and change to become a better man for us all.

Forever Blessed God brought me this amazing man to be my Valentine! Guess what….watching Princess movies and romantic movies did not ruin me or my relationship they just forced me to see that romance comes in MANY forms. My girls will learn they same thing.  Yet, in full disclosure Valentines Day isn’t much of anything in our home. Again, because

God Bless! Happy Valentines Day! I am praying for you please pray for me!

Many people I know are quite familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality test or those that are similar. So, I will refer to myself as an INFJ, which apparently is the rarest of types. You can Google INFJ and find all sorts of information about us and how we operate. That is not what this is about.

This evening my husband and I will be going out. We have a sitter and we are going to the home of some of our friends. Over the past 6 years we have gotten out very little due to our kid’s ages, sitter complications, and my husband working 2nd shift. Now we have found ourselves in a different season where we are enjoying date night more often. Typically, though he still has to work 6-7 days a week so we are usually out and about on our own and still missing group gatherings. I will be horribly honest here I really don’t mind missing events with people. People and the thought of people give me anxiety. My dear friend, also an INFJ, calls me an out-going introvert. She thinks I am much more comfortable with people that she is so thus the name. Yet, I think what helps me is years of being surrounded by STRONG extrovert personalities and the fact that according to Now Know Your Strengths I am a Learner. This is about as true as my Introvert self I do LOVE to learn. So, people are one of the things I LOVE to learn about and to learn from.

Back to the party though … AUGH … I am excited to chat with friends we have not seen in a while, but the whole thought of going brings anxiety. If you have never experienced anxiety you are lucky. Those butterflies in your tummy. The thoughts of walking into a room filled with people. Then for me as an Empath the energy that just gets drained from me. Have you ever heard someone say “People exhaust me”? Well, they do. It is not intended to be a mean statement I love people, but to explain that statement is something that is best understood through experience. I guess I just get my understanding for other Empath’s.

We are already to do this evening and 90% of me is excited, but 10% of my is trying to come up with a reason to stay home. AGAIN, NOT BECAUSE we are stuck up or trying to avoid people, but just because we do not function … or I do not function at my best with lots of people. Most likely at large parties you will find me sitting at the same table all night or standing in the same location. I will talk myself into roaming and mingling and will do some of that, but then work myself back into some alone time. HA!

Final thoughts…just because someone appears to not be socializing doesn’t mean they are a snob or not having fun it might just mean they are like me and prefer to be on the sidelines at larger gatherings. After all, God made Extroverts to enjoy the lime light I will let them!

Understanding personality types is a huge benefit to ALL RELATIONSHIPS I highly recommend it.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

I wrote this title MONTHS ago. You know how many times people say this to themselves or others in a lifetime. I am guessing many times in a DAY. So, this blogger has been quiet for quite some time. I can honestly say it is because the “voices” around me were louder then my own voice and more importantly the voice of the Holy Spirit. I reached a point where I couldn’t hear direction anymore. That may sound funny to some of you and REAL to others. For me it is my reality to look back on my life and really see the times that I was the happiest were the times when things were quiet….times when I was writing in my journal every night…times when I was just reading His word…times when I was reading…times when I was taking time to myself allowing my mind to take a break.

So, over the past couple of months of my quiet time I have realized that this blog is just going to not have a focus at all. Have you ever let things carry you away? Or let the ASSUMED perceptions of others change your direction? Well, I struggle with that a great deal. I have very strong convictions, but I also want the best. So, in many ways I am like my #3 child that wants to try everything. This is where the “voices” around my became a problem. Yet, my heart and soul knew exactly the direction I was supposed to be headed. As a result, I was in a tug of war between my true self where God was leading me and with what it looked like I should be doing. Not sure if that makes sense, but I needed to quiet things down and listen.

Going forward this blog will be going back to whatever comes to mind each night … HOPEFULLY. ALSO, I WILL NOT BE EDITING and if that bothers you go read someone else’s blog. I am and always will be a writer of journals NOT a writer or an editor. I will not be worried about run on sentences, clauses, proper comma location, etc. I just feel like I need to share my thoughts as they come to mind.

Final thought for tonight … Are you struggling with direction? Do you have too many voices in your head? I promise if you turn to Him He will surprise you with a Love and Blessings all around you and before you know it you will have your direction. Just Take It One Day At A Time with Him leading you every step of the way!

God Bless! I am praying for you. Please pray for me.

So, the joy of holding that blond blue eyed beautiful baby boy was nothing like I had ever known. Seeing in him parts of so many family members. Watching him grow to become a great joy in the lives of so many others. I remember having to go back to work and it broke my heart. As much as I loved teaching I wanted to raise my boy more. Yet, Gods plan is best and He needed that boy to spend time with his Grandpa and Grandma. Three years later Grandpa would go on to be with our Lord. When he was 1 year old Great Grandma passed away at the funeral home Grandpa told a friend of the family that having that little boy around each day was like getting his time back with his own boys. See Grandpa worked second shift many years and missed a great deal of time with his boys when they were little. God rewarded him for his work by giving him 3 years with our beautiful tenderhearted boy!

Around his first birthday we learned we were expecting again. So, we are now on our fourth pregnancy. All the thoughts of a boy or a girl ran through our hearts, minds, and words. We were excited. My husband at this point though preferred to keep things quiet after two miscarriages you learn how heart wrenching it is to tell people that you lost yet another child. I especially recall running into someone at the post office. They were all smiles and said “I heard you were expecting! Congratulations!!” Then I had to explain that we lost the baby. I felt very bad for this person as they were horrified, but they did absolutely nothing wrong! With all that said about 6 weeks again into the pregnancy we lost our third child. We sent another little soul to Heaven to with God.

At this point I need to add that a few of my co-workers knew every time we lost a child and in the case of the first two my students knew as well. I was sick and needed to run out of the classroom. I sort of felt like I needed to explain. I always felt so much love from them all after we lost a child. When we did have our boy they were all so wonderful. Giving us a shower and blessing us with gifts and prayers. I thank God for that love and support!

We mourned the loss of this third child. I recall lying in bed wondering what I was doing wrong. If I was being punished for something. Was I eating foods or drinking drinks that would causing something to happen, The entire time I was doing this I also KNEW it was nothing I did or wasn’t doing. I have since learned though that some blood type A women when deficient in selenium when carrying a boy are at higher risk of losing the baby. This research is in the early stages, but that which has been done is very extensive. What is the irony in this is that when looking at Blood Type Diet science blood type A’s are typically deficient in selenium. The research is done by two separate groups. So, that is probably another story.

We moved on like we did in the past. We continued to raise that blond haired boy to be all he could be. We also knew God would give us more babies. It was the desire of my heart I just knew He would see it through. Well, a few months later we were expecting again. This time our pregnancy had a good start. Then about 10 weeks I started spotting at work. I immediately went to the doctor and learned there was no heartbeat. Our sweet baby had died. The feeling was quite unreal to be laying there alone and have them tell you …to show you … there was no heartbeat. Then to go home to wait to have a DNC and still be vomiting. To still be sick …sick…sick…and know you were carrying your sweet baby that had died. One thing I think about now is how horrific this must have been for my amazing husband to watch me going through it all. How hard he must have prayed, but how alone too he must have felt. I am sure he never wanted to share his feelings with me. He wanted to be my shoulder. Certainly an amazing glorious husband he is and was to those babies that we never held. That our arms were eager to rock to sleep each night.

More about our journey another day.

God Bless you! Please pray for me I am praying for you!!