God and Country – Page 2 – Kelly Jean Knieper

Who is Jesus to You?

Posted on February 15, 2016Leave a comment

Part of my Lenten Journey this year I receive daily email devotionals. The other day one was about the Jesus story, where Jesus asks “Who do you say that I am?” In the devotional we are challenged to ask ourselves, “Who is Jesus is to us?”

There are MANY scripture verses that are about Jesus or the prophets or the Apostles or disciples telling us WHO He will be, was and is. Yet, today we should ask ourselves who He is to us. Below is ONE of the verses that struck me just a couple of weeks ago. Then the Lenten devotional. Plus, I have been reading a chapter a night in the Book of Acts. I think God is leading me here to do some reflecting on who He is REALLY to me.

Can I honestly say the portion in John 8:12 that sits with me is the part about not walking in darkness? Have you ever walked in darkness? I think we all have. Let’s not compare how dark it has been for each of us. True compared to me MANY have walked in greater darkness. Yet, I have walked through my own darkness….just like you have. The thing is though that I believe you can not truly escape the darkness or the feelings it left you with UNTIL you except the light Jesus has to offer you. The amount of light and the way He delivers it is different for each of us.

I have also come to understand that there will most likely be more darkness for me and for me family. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world that allows evil to creep around. So, to get myself and my family through what is now and what is to come I pray without ceasing…I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior into my WHOLE being…I wake EACH morning with “Good Morning my Friend Jesus Lets get to it!”…I end each night with “Thank You for _____ of today.” … See for me He is my Savior, my Light, my Best Friend, my Lover, etc. I get that that will be very strange for so many of you that are reading this, but see we as humans are NEVER enough for each other. We are imperfect. God gives us the blessings of amazing human relationships, but the love that we have for our families, spouses, children, friends, etc will NEVER equal the love He has for us. He will ALWAYS give you perfection that will fill each of your needs. Turn to Him. Seek Him first.

Final Thoughts …. Who is Jesus to You? To me He is my friend, my light, my … heart and soul.

God Bless You! I am praying for you, please pray for me!

How to Take Charge of Your Anxiety

Posted on August 26, 2015Leave a comment

I am NOT AN EXPERT! I simply have a great deal of personal time with Miss. Anxiety and Mr. Stress. Ever have a migraine? Have tension in the neck and shoulders? Hmmm….grind those teeth or maybe a clincher like me? What about crazy fits of anger? Insomnia? Tears? Panic Attack? And the list could go on and on and on, right? How do we stop the ANXIETY???? I can ONLY speak for myself and to say I am still a work in progress and most likely will be until death.

First of all, years ago I simply started understanding myself. I read personality books and continue to read them today. Not only to understand my weaknesses, because I did dwell on those at great length as we must improve, right? Eventually, I am not sure what happened, but I realized it wasn’t the weaknesses I needed to change I needed to focus on using and enhancing my strengths. Yes, we all have certain things we should change, but those are more bad habits or learned behavior not things the are core to who we are. Once, I learned about my strengths I started to use them to eliminate things that increased my anxiety level. This is something I still work at even today. My number one strength is order and organization. When things go too long or get to busy and things are out of place I literally feel myself hyperventilate and begin to lose control. So, how do I handle this with kids with active lives. Well, I created spaces that are for them to enjoy their toys and crafts. Then I gave myself permission to set boundaries for them and myself. They can have disorder in their rooms and the basement. We restore order once a month and they must never destroy order in the rest of the house. HA…if that were always true life would be great. It works most of the time, but let me tell you day 25 of 30 I am near losing it when I walk through that basement to get to the school room. Try allowing space for your kids, your mind, and allow order in those places you see all the time. Learn about yourself and pick that one thing that you are good at. I bet it is also that one thing that raises your anxiety level. Find a way to let go.

Secondly, I make lists this keeps me focused on tasks. If I don’t I have moments that I feel lost on which direction I need to head next…laundry, cleaning, planning, shower…hehehe yes I need to remind myself to shower. Life with four kids, home schooling, activities, gardening, and so on I can go a couple of days before my husband says, “Honey, take a walk and then a shower.” Or I get caught up doing random things and then forget to do something important, which will bring on guilt and anxiety. As I write that list I am in my head talking it through with God (more on that). I create a monthly project list and daily to do’s. I also have monthly folders to keep things put away so I do not think or wonder about them until I have to. You know everyone has that pile of cool things you would like to do with your kids at Christmas or a next vacation or a camp they would like. Well, instead of leaving them in a pile to sort through weekly or even daily I place them in file folders labeled by month. Then each month when I do our draw erase calendar, meal plan, etc I pull that folder out and sort through the things to see how everything works together. Some things I keep are even for a few years out. Then I am not worried about forgetting cool ideas for a birthday party or a gift. All this helps me, but I have to be careful not to get to caught up in things to do, which is why I talk to God about it. Let Him lead your day and that lifts all anxiety.

Next, I have this devotional that I love. A couple years ago I was reading and came across part that talked about allowing God to lead through each day. This I always knew, but it hit my heart and soul that evening. It was freeing to know I could wake up each morning, give the day to God, and follow His lead. I have been pretty good about it, but have days, when like a friend of mine said, “When you have the worst days…the days that just feel like you are battling all day…then surprise the end of the day comes and you realize you were fighting for control all day. If I had just let Him take the lead it would have been a great day.” Yep, I still have days like that, but more and more of them are freeing days where we just go with the flow. It is wonderful and my kids have even commented that Mom has been more fun lately. That makes me happy. Let it go to Him. Let Him lead you. How? Just ask Him to take charge and WAIT, wait on Him to tell you what is next. It may come immediately or take a few minutes, but before you know it you are playing games, doing dishes, folding laundry, doing a science experiment, baking, and whatever He always comes through. Just go with it. TRUST ME everything does get done! That was and still is the hardest thing for me making sure things get done. I have faith in Him that He provides for ALL my needs even the time to do what needs to be done.

Fourth, is simple make time for yourself. Get out of the house even if just for a drive. Maybe do some form of exercise. Read, journal, and pray. Watch a movie. I have learned that I need to balance this time with people and being alone. Some people NEED people others NEED to be alone. For me to recharge I need to be myself. Yet, I love to have friends and be around people. So, we work to have balance in our relationships and time. Alone time is good for shutting everything down and just listening to your own thoughts. To listen to Him. MAKE that time for you.

Lastly, the latest thing I have been struggling with is holding myself back from God and all He has for me. How is this causing anxiety? Well, do you ever feel moved to do something, but just think you can’t? Then an inner battle occurs and carries on and on and on. All the while life is happening. I have really been focusing on letting go of fears, guilt, unforgiveness, ideas of perfection, etc. and focusing on where I am holding back or being “disobedient” to God and all He has for me. For example, just last night this verse was part of my Bible study and it brought this journey of letting go of anxiety full circle for me. Yes, back to square one, but so much further along in the journey than 10 years ago.

Here you go, “Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness and THE ANXIETIES OF DAILY LIFE [caps inserted], and that day catch you by surprise like a trap. For that day will assault everyone who lives on the face of the earth.” Luke 21:34-35

Back to letting go of everything. Each day that I HOLD onto something that keeps me from God it keeps Him from giving me everything He wants to give me that day. Holding on creates the anxiety. For me I have learned my anxiety is self induced. Is yours? GREAT! Then you can fix it!!

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO? Like the song says “Let It Go”.

Thanks for reading. Please pray for me I am praying for you!

Who, but God, Knew About Our Journey to Parenthood – Part 1

Posted on May 17, 20151 Comment

Who, but God, knew that on the day we learned we were expecting our first child that six weeks later we would lose our precious child. The next six weeks were emotional as a friend of mine, who found out they were expecting about the same time as we did, ended up delivering a healthy baby girl. They were emotional as I went to the hospital lab once a week to have blood drawn to test my HCG levels to make sure my body naturally rid itself of the baby. Who, but God, knew how this whole concept would plant a seed that over the next 10 years either destroy me or propel me. I truly believe He knew, but I also believe He sent Angels, He placed people in my life, He put me places to hear words I needed to hear, and He led me to the place I am today. He used everything and everyone in my everyday life to change me, but I have only arrived to this place today by following His lead.

Who, but God, knew that when we lost our second baby 8 weeks after taking the test that I would spiral into a deeper inner hidden remorse. Six more weeks of HCG tests, students having babies, friends having babies, babies babies babies everywhere, but quietly we prayed, dreamed, cried, and hoped. During this time we were involved in a business that many people judged us for and were even upset by the decisions we were making. Yet, we were growing and changing in ways only God knew we would. We needed to be there for the sake of our marriage and for the sake of my faith. Who, but God, knew that when He led one couple to this same business, when He led them to grow and speak from stage to thousands of people, that our friend would say one line that saved me. It brought me to my knees in tears and has since been repeated by me to others that have been touched. Who, but God, knew that “God never gives you a dream so strong to take away. Just believe!” would be the one thing I held onto that would eventually pull me out of my despair. I KNEW HE would bless us with a child.

Who, but God, knew that it would be 4 1/2 years of marriage life, of people wondering if we wanted kids, of sending two babies we never met, we never held, or named to Heaven, before we would learn we were expecting a baby we would meet, we would hold, and we would name. That pregnancy was one day of prayers after another. I think I was filled with pure joy and fear at the same time. That fear would have consumed me IF I did not trust that this time God was answering our dream. Who, but God, knew that when we held that beautiful boy in our arms that ALL Thanks and Praise went to Him and only Him. Then came the question of “how many kids do you want” came. You know after five years of waiting and losing two my reply was “As many as the good Lord give’s us.” I meant it with every part of me. My joy would not come from how many, but from Him. It had, too. I must add though that hidden still inside of me was a mourning for those babies that went to Heaven. Another post about coping with miscarriage will come at the end of this journey.

I am concluding this with saying that my Journey to His deliverance from the bondage of lose, fear, despair, guilt, and loneliness was just beginning. Who, but God, knew they amazing journey the Momma would be taken on. Who, but God, knew that people would think she was an odd ball for her passionate faith, for her decisions, and she would struggle with this as well. Yet, she had no choice to love the God that made her dream come true with that blond haired blue eyed beautiful boy.

If You Love

Posted on January 6, 20151 Comment

Like I have stated before, but will repeat I am not an expert on anything. I read, journal, live, and think about it all. With that said here goes SOME of my thoughts lately. This “love” thing keeps coming up in my crazy mind and here is just another piece.

I have felt greatly the divisions in our world, country, and church all of which make me sad, but also hopeful for change. I guess I believe that only the greatest change or good can come from the greatest pits of despair. I feel like we are in some pretty great pits of despair.

In Jesus’ last days He gave us this,

“I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

We Christians, or most of us, know this verse. Maybe not memorized or even know the chapter and verse. BUT we know it. Others know all sorts of history and theology about where exactly Jesus was when he said it and every detail surrounding the moment.

Stepping away for a moment, but bringing it all together…I hope….

My Grandpa passed away on Christmas Day. On the day we celebrate the Lord’s love for us when He gave us his son, part of my family lost someone we loved. Just like Jesus’ birth was a blessing hidden in a manger my Grandpa’s death was a blessing hidden death. A quote of his that my family seems to be hanging on to in his passing was part of a toast that he shared with my brother at different holiday gatherings.

“You live and I never die.”

This evening while asking God to give me the words to write a post that I really did not feel like writing all I had were these two thoughts coming together. Before I connect them for you and even for me I need to stress two things about the verses that never sunk in for me until tonight. The first is AS I HAVE LOVED YOU … He died for us…He lived everyday for us…He sought ways to express His great love. Can I love people that way? Strangers? My enemies? The second is IF YOU HAVE LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. See people will know we are a disciple IF WE HAVE LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. IF IF IF IF WE HAVE LOVE. No other way. The way people know that we know Jesus is if we LOVE them. How we express that love is simply HOW WE LIVE! There we have it. To continue please allow me to substitute in a word in the scripture.

*I give you a new commandment: LIVE FOR one another. As I have LIVED for you, so you also should LIVE FOR one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have LIVED for one another.

Now Jesus used the word love and He of course meant to. By NO MEANS do I EVER think to understand or assume anything about His meaning. Yet, I can not help, but think that if the way to SHOW people we are disciples is to love one another AND if we are to LOVE one another like He loved us. THEN wouldn’t we also have to LIVE like He did? Not perfect lives, but lives of and about LOVE. To Love someone means to Live for them.?.? Yes?? Then “We love and He never dies”.

So, can I love another like He loved me? How do we live for others to show love for others?

Is it about “Merry Christmas”?

Posted on December 23, 2014Leave a comment

To me this is the season my family and most of my friends celebrate Christmas. I would guess most of us recognize the reason for the season is the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Does this mean that I expect everyone I meet to wish me a Merry Christmas? Nope. In fact, when I worked as a grocery store cashier for 5 years I proudly exclaimed, “Happy Holidays!” I knew not everyone that came through my line was a Christian and might be celebrating a different holiday. It was also a season that went from Thanksgiving to the New Year. Many things happen during that 5 weeks. I suppose maybe people were upset with me for not saying “Merry Christmas”, but I never thought about it back then. It seems like the past few years a great deal of attention has been placed on that.

With that said I think this topic is the beginning of something God has been stirring in me, but I have struggled with all the words. So, expect a to be continued….

I can almost pin point a time that people started attacking Christian beliefs across this country on a fairly regular basis. I can also recall the time when Christians started attacking back. It may not seem to either side that they were/are “attacking” the other side, but more like “defending their beliefs” against attack. The problem is that to defend or be a defender means there must be an offender or offendee. I am guilty of this. We get very passionate about what we ‘know’ to be true and fight for that until, like my Mom says, “we are blue in the face.” Focusing on Christmas here, but think about it for just a moment….hasn’t there been a great deal of attacking the past…oh, 10 years or so…on many fronts?

I can not help, but think that in all our defending we have forgotten something. Both sides have forgotten something. I can not really speak for a non-Christian, but for me as a Christian when I defend my faith fiercely or even other things I believe fiercely I am attacking. Whether I intend to or not I am. I am attacking the person that disagree’s with me for believing something different than I. “Keep Christ is Christmas!” Love it myself. It is a true statement, but are we proclaiming it, shouting it, angry about it, or opening our arms to hug, hold, help, or heal like He did?

“Excuse me ma’ma. It is Christmas! Please say, ‘Merry Christmas’, rather than ‘Happy Holidays’ to me!”

Now I suppose HOW we say this may determine exactly how it is perceived, but in that moment were we spreading the LOVE of Jesus? Were we drawing people closer to Jesus? Yes, there is a truth we are called to share, but can we really share that truth spreading an “I am right” attitude? Maybe it is just me, but I feel we are called first to love each other and through that love people will find Jesus.

In no way I am I saying we shouldn’t shout from the roof tops about the GREAT LOVE that Jesus has for us! Yet, I guess I just think the best way to teach love is to show love. Jesus is my everything. By giving my everything Christmas becomes everything is was intended to be. It is not about what we say, is it? Or is it about how we say it?

So, to wrap up this portion of Love is it about the “Merry Christmas” or the Spirit of Christmas that matters? The sharing of coupons in line at the stores? The letting someone go ahead of you in line? The buying of someone’s dinner? Extra toys to drop in a box? Giving a homeless man a homemade hat, gloves, and scarf? Praying to the people cutting you off as you drive to stores? Paying someone’s bill at the auto shop? (These are all things I and other experienced this year.) I am hoping to get MUCH better about spreading the Spirit rather than focusing on whether someone gives me what I want when they say “Merry Christmas!”

Love….To Be Continued…

Praying for you all!

Lord, may this reach one person that needed to read it. Your Will Lord!

Love Yourself Enough to be Alone

Posted on December 9, 20149 Comments

God wants you to know He loves you beyond any thing you can imagine, but even more than that He wants you to love Him so much that you can love yourself enough to be alone……hmmm…

POINTS to consider….when you are alone you think, you remember, you regret, you cry, etc…..

The above were notes I made of my heart thoughts when I was alone on my weekend retreat. I decided to leave them because I think that we all need to consider those points before diving into what someone else thinks or feels. I AM NOT A COUNSELOR BY TRAINING though I pretend to be one on TV 🙂 ha…seriously like I have stated before I am nothing more than someone on a journey like you. Maybe just ahead of you or a bit behind you. This blog will forever be about that journey and the crazy thoughts that float through my mind WHEN I AM ALONE. So, here we go…

I think a lot all the time, but I do not always HEAR my thoughts until I am alone with them. That can be very scary to me sometimes. I do not want to hear about how I yelled too much today or to loudly. I do not want to hear my thoughts tell my that my Mom was right the other day when she pointed something out. That is between us. My Mom still thinks I never she thinks she is right about anything…shhhh. What about you what are you afraid your thoughts will think about? Maybe about a memory, an unforgiveness, a regret, …

I go there, too. When a trigger happens and an emotion of any type over takes me. I remember the smell of my Grandma’s house when she baked fresh peach pie. I remember my Daddy kissing me before he left for work. I remember watching my best friend, my Uncle, die of cancer. I also remember my babies learning to talk, holding my hand, snuggling their fuzzy heads into my neck, or saying Momma for the first time. Memories are a beautiful thing good or bad they can bring us joy or break our hearts all over again. Kelly…why are the bad ones a beautiful thing? Why do I want to experience that broken heart all over again? Ya know some days I have no answer to that for my own self, but today my heart says we need sympathy and empathy for others and the only way to have that is to hurt ourselves. We must be hurt so one day we will be prepared to be used by God to be there for someone else. Well, that sucks …. until you are that blessing to someone then you will almost or literally drop to your knees and praise Him for the good He did through you. You will be beyond thankful.

When you are alone do you find yourself regretting? I do usually because I remember or think …. get it when we are ALONE we think and remember …we experience our life. Sometimes for the very first time. This is why we do not like to be alone. We do NOT want to experience it we just want to be left to move on through. Yet, the only way to really be all that we can be or were created to be is to allow ourselves to experience all we have journeyed. By experience I mean really feel it, be in that moment … it is powerful. It is when you may even for the first time notice your life change or your journey truly begin. Find time to be alone a little bit more. Even if you are alone with me here. … I am here….

For that one person God Bless You I am praying for you.

Please share you never know who may need encouragement. Peace!

You Are Welcome to Share!

You Are Welcome to Share!

You Are Welcome to Share!

You Are Welcome to Share!

You Are Welcome to Share!

You Are Welcome to Share!