God and Country

Holy Spirit Moments

General Thoughts, God and Country, Journal, Reflections, Uncategorized
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As long as I can remember I have had vivid dreams and sensations that someone was near. You know those dreams you wake up from and you can recall every detail right down to numbers and colors. Or those moments when the hair stands up on the back of your neck. Even when you get goosebumps when someone shares something with you. I bet others have JUST KNOWN they should do something and WOW later learn it was a good thing they did. How about those moments when an image flashes through your mind. I can’t be the only one. Whose with me?

I have had many moments over the past 30 years, but I will focus today on moments in the past 10 years. One day I recall feeling a great disconnect with God and frustrated in with feeling at my whits end. I was sitting in the middle of my living room and cried out to Him to show me my purpose. Just then a song played that told me my purpose for that season was to raise up my children to be Children of God.

Another moment not long after that I was once again praying in my living room (so strange since I spend the least amount of my time in that room). Feeling wrought with fear, anxiety, and worry. This was an ongoing fear for most of my life. I had lived with great fear of loss and anytime I prayed I heard in my head different versions of “you have nothing to fear” or “you all are guarded”. Yet, in this moment I just seemed to be so lost. I cried, “Lord, I am over this. I can not continue to feel this way. I will not pass this anxiety on to my kids. Please take it. Please show me, in my human weakness, that You GOT THIS!” I felt a wave wash over me. I turned towards a window that gave me a clear view of our entry door to see a soldier angel standing guard, saw flash in my mind of the same type of angels hovering around our house, and heard in my mind what seemed to be an audible voice, but was not, “Now do you believe me. Go be Bold! Your family is heavily guarded!” Those angels had the most beautiful wings with browns & golds that radiated light. The one at our door was armored up and I have since learned wearing the exact armor Paul writes about in Ephesians 6. It was within that year I had lunch with a friend, who without knowing this happened, grabbed my hand in prayer and said, “Be bold, Kelly, BE BOLD!” Well, that was my conviction. Boldness out of a person that spent years avoiding confrontation and living with fear of bad news was no easy transition.

It took about five years for me to get to a place where I felt more comfortable speaking up. Which is about the same time I restarted my blog. Also, around this time God placed a heavy burden on my heart, but before I get to that I want to share two other visions I had that are also connected. The first was before I went to vote in the 2016 election. I really struggled and prayed a great deal about this election. In my mind, there was no clear direction for casting my vote. I prayed without ceasing going up to the vote. I asked God to give me something to confirm my vote was the right vote and to trust that His will would prevail. As I placed my pencil down, I saw a white angel wing press down upon my hand. This confirmed I was casting my vote correctly. Then in March, 2019, my dearest friend went home to be with the Lord. In May of that year, I was back in church for the first time since her funeral, feeling her loss, and the weight of this burden I mentioned above. I was kneeling in prayer, asking God to once again show me He is in fact here working. To show me He is with me. To show me He needs me to be bold. I looked up to the front of our big, beautiful church to see the biggest angel hovering over our altar with wings spread wide and dressed again for battle. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out in tears from the sight of it. Tears did fall, but I kept them under control. To this day I believe it was St Michael the Archangel. I felt God was reminding me of this burden to pray, telling me it was time to pick up my sword, and sharing a grand message that He was engaged in a spiritual battle.

This burden I was led to pray about, that I saw everywhere in all areas of my life, the burden of division, of the great divide, of our inability to listen. Almost simultaneously I was drawn to the Holy Spirit. I felt like the Holy Spirit was the warrior our world needed. In fact, Jesus told the disciples he had to leave so the Spirit of Truth could come. Jesus knew we needed the Holy Spirit. I began almost a meditative prayer anytime I felt called. I would pray “Come, Holy Spirit, Come. Please move like a wave across our land revealing ALL truth. Opening all eyes, including mine, to the lies of the devil & all who do his will. Please Holy Spirit cleanse our world from all corruption & lies. Your people are hurting. Your world is hurting. Save us.” Then it happened one night while praying this, I saw a ribbon of light that was winding itself, like a figure-eight, over our land. I could feel a change coming. I thought it was a fluke thing until it began to happen over and over again. Then I began to see things coming to light in our world. Facts and evidence being revealed. In recent months, this vision has moved through the following phases to the one it is at today. From the figure-eight ribbon over the United States. Second, a circular ribbon flowing like a wheel around the entire earth that has gradually increased in speed. Third, a wideband still around the earth moving so fast you can barely see that it is moving. (The best I can explain this is, if you have seen the Thor movies and can visualize the bridge between worlds, that is what this looks like but wrapped around the world.) Fourth, the same wideband but racing on it, almost as if to keep it moving, was a silver-white pegasus with a male rider. Fifth, no rider, but a thin wheel moving extremely fast. Finally, the band is gone and there are two horses/pegasus racing around the earth. I can see dirt flying from their hooves. I can see they are larger than life on earth. I can see they are the white-silver one and a brown-gold one. I can see there are two riders. They are armored again like Paul describes to battle the enemy. I hear them calling us to armor ourselves up and prepare to battle the enemy.

It has been so surreal to watch these events unfold before my eyes and know that the Holy Spirit is at work in a big, powerful way. Here we are facing a great divide that stands to defeat us if we don’t armor up against the real enemy, the invisible enemy, that comes to seek & destroy. I feel like my role in this is to share my visions with you and to continue to pray for truth to be revealed.

I will end with this, I have also had several dreams and so have my kids. I will share those with you, but friends have shared with me other visions from different people they have read. One calls us to STAND FIRM as the waves come pouring in. Another saw a demon and when he asked the demon who it was the response was three things, but the greatest was GREED. The corruption to be revealed is rooted in centuries of greed by principalities & rulers of this world, that have sought to hold God’s people in bondage so they can control the wealth of the world. Only time will tell, but it is my belief we will see it all unfold at a rapid rate.

Remember Ephesians 6. It is time to put on your Armor of God!

“Why I Go To Church.”

God and Country, Journal, Reflections
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DISCLAIMER:  Hello! Welcome to my blog. I want all readers to be aware that my posts are about my journey, but are always written as thoughts come to mind. I do some editing, but for me it takes away from the emotion I am trying to convey. This the blog is ME … REAL and … well … RAW. I hope you enjoy my style. If not, there are plenty of us bloggers out there I am sure you will find one you enjoy. Thanks!

I have been working through many things lately as I sort through anxiety about being made to be uncomfortable. Since January I have been praying a prayer asking God to Stretch my faith like the man in Mark 3:5. Jesus said to him “Stretch out your hand.” The man did and he was restored. To me it isn’t the restoration … It isn’t the message the overall chapter sends to the pharisees … it is that the man KNEW what would happen by stretching out his hand … HE KNEW HE WOULD be restored. I have known for QUITE sometime I still had wounds to be healed, fears to overcome, but I never realized what I was doing wasn’t really getting me there. I realized it was one of those “Go Big or Go Home” type things. I know I am being called to certain things in my life, but I am also not ready, yet. I could sense God telling me now is the time … “Trust Me. Stretch out your hand.” So I did … in January and since I have been asking Him to stretch me….sometimes not wanting to.

In so many ways this year has been the hardest year of my life. I have hid it pretty well from the majority of people in my life or even glossed it over. I am unsure how many really knew how many nights or moments in my car I have cried from the amount of pain I was in … the spiritual and emotional pain of stretching has been almost unbearable. So, many times I cried out that I could not do this anymore and literally feel the air leave me with a “YES YOU CAN! Now keep coming … keep stretching we are almost there.” The number of nights I have been awake with full on anxiety attacks … visions of great things, but full anguish at what I was seeing that had to be done. One of those nights was last night …

I seen why … I seen where my heart is at … I seen why I have to keep moving forward … see I have looked into the eyes of nothing, I have seen what empty people look like, I have seen complete despair, I have felt shame, …. yet I also know a LOVE greater than it all.

I recall in my first 5 years of teaching some very powerful lesson happened for me that set me on my journey to peace within my self … to finding Him beside me … to NOW finding Him WITHIN ME!

I see the face on a student that did NOTHING in my classes. By nothing I mean NOTHING … no work, no talking, not a BAD kid AT ALL. I vividly remember giving him his papers one day and the kids (Some of his buddies) saying “Kaneeps (a nickname) why do you bother giving him papers  no one else does. He won’t do them anyway.” I replied without hesitating “Well, because I won’t give up on any of you and today might be the day.” That student stayed after class that day. I walked to his desk, turned a desk toward his, face to face we sat, and I said “One day you will make a decision to change things for yourself. On your journey I want you to see Jesus in me … that I can love you unconditionally because He does … You matter!” Tears streamed down his face and he said “Just you and one other person has ever told me I matter … Just you ever told me about Jesus and that you love me.” When I looked into his eyes I seen brokenness I had never seen before…emptiness that was filled with great sorrow.

I see the face of the student … students that have since taken  their lives. I see the faces of students who are now in jail. I remember faces of students that I suspected used drugs … that were so very very lost. Those faces haunted me then and haunt me still. I recall one morning feeling completely eaten up by it all … behavior, poor management, their lives, the struggles they faced, etc. I sat at my desk and asked God to show me WHY I WAS THERE!!!! Maybe I demanded it. I randomly opened my Bible to Esther chapter 4 and my eyes literally landed on “Possibly you were born for such a time as this.” Well, there you have it sister you have cried out, I have answered, and YOU ARE CALLED. I would never have survived those years without the co-worker of mine across the hallway. She showed me Jesus in such REAL ways. She led me to really face some raw stuff. Between the kids and her … I found a peace, love, and grace inside me.

Now after being home 10 years I still keep in touch with MANY of those students … it saddens me to see the struggles they still have, but I also see how some have turned things around and found JOY…found Jesus. Specifically I see the face of another student that was headed to major trouble if he didn’t die first … leave … turn his life around and become someone I admire. God’s Grace.

I seen that co-worker about 4 years ago over dinner. She told me to “Be Bold” … Not exactly my cup of tea. So much has happened over the past ten years of me raising kids … crying in the middle of my trashed living room with a 6, 3, and 2 year old racing around … crying out to God again “What am I doing wrong? Can I possibly be doing right by them? I feel so lost from everything.” When on my christian radio station played a song “Do Everything” by Steven Curtis Chapman … https://youtu.be/FEqdDdvFXZ0 … “You are picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today” Can you imagine I was literally on the living room floor picking up toys. “Matching up socks sweeping up lost cheerios that got away” literally my kitchen was just as bad. “And while I may not know you I bet I know you wonder sometimes if it matters at all Well let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do everything you do to the glory of the one who made you cause he made you to do everything little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face and to tell the story of grace with every move that you make and every little thing that you do” …. I never heard the rest of the song instead I heard “I made you to be their Mom … I chose you … I came before you, I have been here already, I am ahead of you … I NEED you to be their Mom knowing all I know about your heart, the mistakes you have made and will make, I need you to walk with them on this leg of their journey.” That was 7 years ago. Still more growing has happened to get me to the past 9 months. That is when I found Him BESIDE me.

Almost a year ago now I became a leader of a ministry at our church and the current leader asked me to share some of my story with the group. I remember feeling great anxiety about it. I remember seeing a vision of myself peeling off a large scab … no band-aide … it was a crusted over wound that felt healed up, but it wasn’t … it was actually infected with fear, insecurity, doubt, shame, … out it all poured. So real healing could happen. This and the past 9 months … last night really was when I found Him WITHIN me.

So, why do I go to church … I go to church (with a lower case c) because His Church needs me…because of what His Church has done for me. That church I attend is His … not ours … it is His building that He opens doors so broken, hurting, sinful people can come to His altar to stretch out their hand to receive His restoration … His life saving Grace … His life saving offering. I go because there are so many faces pushing me to go … so many lost … so many that found hope because I allowed/allow Him to use me. See church is just a building that He uses to build His Church … to build His team … to build His army for eyes, ears, hearts, feet, and hands! When I attend Mass it is getting myself refueled to go out and allow myself to be used. These days church can be a dark place in itself … it has failed in many ways … ALL types of church has failed, but …. Attending is NOT ABOUT anyone, anything … other than Him and I. It does not matter what someone says or does … about who is there or who is not … about how the Mass goes … and really it is not about what church I attend … it is about SHOWING UP FOR HIM … for His Church … for the broken, for the empty eyes staring back at me, for the hurt, for the GRACE .. to restore my own brokenness so I can be His arms and reach out to those Stretching to me … those that have not quite figured out He is as there for them as He is for me.

Attached are 5 songs that I think will forever be a driving force in my soul … besides the one above.

Are Your Expectations the Problem?

God and Country, Journal, Reflections
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About a year ago I really started praying about my relationships with people and why some had anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, tension, etc. What God revealed to me was really not a shock, but was a light bulb moment that completely changed me and all my relationships. So let me explain …

I think the thing I love about the Old Testament Stories and the lessons we learn from the Pharisees attacks on Jesus were how God used people we wouldn’t expect (a girl like Esther, a simple soldier like Joshua), people we would judge (like the pharisees judged), people with a past (a prostitute like Rahab), etc. Thinking about these people and their stories and even the parables Jesus told, I became curious about what the word Grace meant in Hebrew or Greek.  I found that in the Old Testament the word used is chesed meaning deliverance from enemies, affliction, or adversity. It can also mean enablement, daily guidance, forgiveness, and preservation. In the New Testament the word used is Charis, which focuses on the provision of salvation.

Let’s LOOK and THINK on that for a moment … chesed word in the Old Testament for Grace DELIVERANCE FROM ENEMIES … FROM AFFLICTION … FROM ADVERSITY.  So, by Grace I am delivered from my enemies, from affliction, from adversity. WHEN I extend GRACE (chesed can also mean forgiveness) I am DELIVERED. Are you holding onto unforgiveness that could deliver you … could FREE YOU?

NEXT LOOK and THINK about charis the New Testament word for Grace a provision for salvation … PROVIDES SALVATION … extending grace provides ME WITH SALVATION!!! Again, are you holding onto bitterness, anger, tension …. that if you extended grace/forgiveness would SET YOU FREE??

Okay, so after you have a hold of anything that is keeping you from real freedom move on in reading. 

So, I have in mind those people or circumstances that get me all hot and bothered … irritated … down right angry. Am I free? NOPE! Here is how He tied together my life verse and little tid-bits I pulled from Bible Studies. How He brought ME freedom from the bondage of my anger, bitterness, etc. So, here is what God revealed to me in that moment.

IT IS ALL IN YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF, OF OTHERS, AND OF EVEN ME, MY DAUGHTER!

I can truthfully say it wasn’t a shocker, but I did cry. Just let the tears fall as I seen everything in my life in a new and different way. As my heart softened toward every person in my life…in my world…in the world. NOW to add I am not talking about giving a free pass to evil … The Holy Spirit gives us Discernment for a reason. So, let me explain what I mean …

That person or circumstance that brings up all those negative emotions that let’s be honest keep us in bondage … keep us from truly living a full life…do we feel what we feel about them or the event because of our expectations of how one should behave? How the event should have gone? How evil the person was that violated you? How God took that person from here rather than protecting them or curing them? Etc…

So, really take time to think about that right now….how do your expectations of your self, parents, children, relatives, friends, neighbors, church members, leaders, etc….. play into those negative feelings? 

So, NOW you have the negative feeling named and you have identified your own ROLE in that situation. How your expectations played a part? Here now is where we get real … you can not control anyone ever!!

This is why God frees us by our own actions alone! So, someone violates you … by forgiving them does nothing for them it FREES YOU. By realizing you expect people to never hurt another person does not take into account the real power of evil in our world…it does not take into account the control mental illness plays in the lives of others. AGAIN … I am not giving a free pass, but what I am saying is God frees you when you forgive and LET HIM handle the other side…the other person. You get to move on and live the full life He has for you.

I expect God to take away all the suffering TODAY … I am me … He is God. He loves beyond my understanding. He knows beyond my understanding. He gave more than I can ever give. Who am I to expect anything more that what He promised with a Baby and a Cross … TO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT.

So, here I am in my expectations … I expect myself to be my best ALL THE TIME, I expect my husband to be romantic and spend plan great date nights, I expect our parents to love taking the kids so we can have date nights regularly, I expect my friends to know I am in need of a hug or a text, I expect my kids to always be awesome, etc …. OKAY NOW I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD … I expect my neighbors to not be racist, I expect my government leaders to follow the Lord and do His will, I expect the people who disagree with me to know we both still deserve our rights, etc ..

I realized that these expectations were what was hurting all my relationships. I would get upset at a person for NOT doing or behaving what I expected of them and there a wedge would be built. Built on anger or frustration the devil will use because I opened the door for him to use it. These expectations of the people, who legitimately hurt me and deserved punishment. Here I expected that their punishment would set me free. Or I expected that person to be something they really never were. Regardless though … by focusing on the situation or the person and how I expected it all to play out I was not free. To be free I had to extend Grace … let go of my expectations and leave them to God.

So, is it clear yet how our expectations HOLD US IN BONDAGE …. are the problem? Maybe, but one more point … why our expectations are a bit silly when we think of how God has used people or circumstances to bring freedom…a freedom that changes worlds … that lasts beyond generations.

Now how he connected some dots for me … The past 5 years I have LOVED doing a Jesse Tree during Advent with our kids. I was just fascinated by the lineage of Jesus and the journey of our faithful ancestors while they waited thousands of years for a savior. That is powerful to me … THOUSANDS of years … I struggle with thinking we have only waiting 2000 years for a 2nd coming…THE FINAL coming.

What helped me get free was reading through the grace God extended in His journey to bringing us Jesus … in the people He CHOSE to use. When I look at this I get a clear image of how WRONG I am in expecting things of people when they are just unable to give for reasons I may never know. Or expecting people CANNOT do something because of my perceptions or what I expect of people “like them” when God has an awesome plan for them.

My life verse comes from the book of Esther. One day before my class had started I was praying and asking God why I was here … here teaching a struggling group of kids … here in my life facing what I was facing… I randomly opened my Bible to Mordecai telling Esther “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” Different translations word it a bit differently …”maybe you were born for just such a time as this?”  I have looked at me life differently from that point forward. YES I WAS BORN IN THIS TIME FOR A REASON … FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. Esther was a simple girl, a Jew, that became a queen, a chosen queen. She was not only chosen by the king, but she was born for such a time chosen by THE KING to set her people free. A poor simple girl reached out from where she was to the poor and suffering to free them…to help raise them up. She set aside her expectations of herself, of the king, and she responded to God’s call and The Blessings came!

When I was studying the book of Joshua I met a prostitute named Rahab that stuck with me. When working on the Jesse Tree I came to understand why … she was one of Jesus’ ancestors. Yes, she was a desperate sinful women that seen these men planning their attack on her city, BUT somehow she knew they would in fact destroy her city. She helped them, she reached out and saved them, saved her family, … she was born for such a time and she responded to God’s call on her life. She was forgiven and she became a many Great-Grandmother to THE KING. God chose a prostitute to help carry on the lineage of Jesus. God chose a prostitute to help carry His will … to eventually bring me a savior.

Now I could share more stories for the imperfect people God chose to do great things, to be apart of Jesus’ lineage, but my point is … we hold onto so much because we expect so much or so little … God just wants us to be willing to be used. To be free of all bondage so He can use us to the fullest. To let go and willingly run into His arms and be blessed with a pure full unhindered love … a life beyond our dreams.

Now take some time to let go of expectations … let go of the emotions attached to them … focus on listening to His call … RUN TO HIM and say “Lord, I was born for such a time as this USE me!”

 

 

It Is Time To … Live Full Walk Free

General Thoughts, God and Country
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As my regular readers know I journal more than I write. So, if this is your first time reading my blog please know that I just let the words flow and try to make it readable later. Hopefully, you enjoy.

This past September I had made plans for others to take care of our kids while I attended a Women’s Retreat at Grace Adventures. As the weekend came closer I realized I never received a confirmation notice. I brushed it off thinking it would arrive the week prior. When it did not I thought I should call to check on things, but I was also beginning to wonder if I really wanted to go…all by myself. After talking to someone at Grace I learned I was in fact not registered, but there was still room. My head was saying “Just stay home. Save the money.” My gut was saying “Go! Go! Go!” I learned a long time ago to pick up my anxiety, emotion, and listen to my gut…so planning to go continued. Oh, and by the way I just picked the weekend that worked for my parents to have the kids I never even looked at who the speaker was going to be. It would be a random weekend away all by myself. Enough with the back story…

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The Key Note Speaker that weekend was Cindy Bultema, who would be sharing with us four times that weekend (5 if you attended her break out session) from the book of 1 Corinthian’s, is from west Michigan, a writer/speaker, a wife, and Mom of four kids.  I can’t say it was a POWERFUL weekend for myself, but I can say that it was a weekend I needed to move myself forward in my own thoughts about serving others. I did LOVE Cindy’s talk and learned a GREAT deal about what was happening in Corinth when Paul wrote these letters. I watched as many women made huge steps forward in their own faith, in their own walk with Jesus, and in their journey to shed shame, guilt, and negative self-talk. It was a weekend I needed for many reasons and I pray it was the beginning of a next phase in my own journey, but for me watching the work God did in the lives of others was awe inspiring.

I came home and immediately started a bible study in my home. I stepped out and trusted God to lead those that needed the time in His word, needed time with other women, or were searching for something, through my door. It was an emotional time for me to just put it out there and I can’t explain how my heart rejoiced as others joined me. Going through that eight weeks with three other ladies and starting a Facebook group that others joined through was a blessing that filled all of our hearts. We completed Cindy’s study Red Hot Faith during the time I was blessed to be apart of the launch team for Cindy’s new Bible Study Live Full Walk Free. This new study was where she pulled her talk from for the weekend retreat that impacted women for Him and I am sure it tore down walls that were keeping them from being all He made them to be.  I want that for everyone…for all of you!!

I have not completely read the study, because I wanted to go through it with my Bible Study in February. I did skim through it and loved what I found in those 60,000 words!!! My heart truly believes this study will impact many for our Lord. Cindy worked very hard on this, she allowed God to lead her, and she struggled to get it written all for HIM to reach YOU…YOU, ME, and EVERYONE that goes through it.

Before I end I wanted to share some of Cindy’s thoughts…

Can you tell us a little bit about your new study and why you chose to use Corinth?

Live Full, Walk Free: Set Apart in a Sin-Soaked World is a six-session Bible study book and DVD series based on 1 Corinthians. I love how God’s Word contains instructions on every (yes, every) situation we might face in life—even instructing us on how to live set-apart lives right in the middle of today’s confused culture. Whether women have been studying the Bible for decades, or are still trying to figure this “Jesus thing” out, I hope they’ll find relevant material that meet them right where they are on their spiritual journey.

I picked 1 Corinthians because Paul wrote this letter to church members living in the “Sin City” of their day. (So when you see 1st & 2nd Corinthians, think 1st & 2nd Las Vegas!) The church members in Corinth were surrounded by immorality, idolatry and indulgence, much like our culture today. Together we can learn from Paul’s wisdom to the Corinthians as he addressed issues such as identity, unity, purpose, purity, as well as overcoming temptations. Good stuff!

What do you hope readers glean from Live Full, Walk Free?

Freedom in every area of their life—including their sexuality. I often meet women who are weighed down by the pain and humiliation of their sexual pasts, even many years later. I’ve shed tears with countless friends who expressed feeling intense guilt for premarital sex, having an abortion, affair, or other sexual sins. I’ve walked with beautiful women who disclosed their excruciating stories of childhood sexual victimization. They know it’s not their fault, they should “move on.” They’ve tried to live forgiven and free, yet, they can’t shake the shame.

Unfortunately I think sex is one of Satan’s favorite lures. Clearly he’s using sexual sin to hook our culture:  Porn is rampant, sexting among teens is commonplace, and we can’t even go to the grocery store for salad fixings without seeing sexual images on the covers of checkout magazines.

For many women, living in our sex-crazed culture has drastically impacted one’s ability to live full and walk free. Trust me: I get it. For a girl like me with a past like mine, I know what it’s like to be burdened with regret, disappointment, heavy hurts. No judgment here, only grace.

This I know based on the authority of God’s Word: no matter what you have done, or what has been done to you—Jesus Christ came so you might live full and walk free. You are not the one woman who has outsinned the grace and mercy of God. There is no one too far gone from God’s amazing grace!

With over 15 years of ministry experience, Cindy is a popular women’s speaker, author, and Bible teacher. But don’t let her cheerful smile fool you—Cindy has endured single parenting, overcome bondage to addiction, and survived tragic loss.Cindy’s latest Bible study, Live Full Walk Free was released in December 2016. Cindy lives in Michigan with her husband and their four kids. Most days you can find Cindy walking her beagle Rocky, attending one of her boys’ hockey games, or serving hot lunch at her kids’ school.

Once we get into the study I will be sharing live about the study on my #LateNightTruthChats via Facebook Live on my blog page. Please click the link to like my page and get notifications to hear those chats to learn more about my thoughts on this study and … well whatever I am led to share. Until then please check out the link below and get your own copy of Cindy’s beautiful book. If you want to join a group you are welcome in my home or to join our Facebook Bible Study Group just let me know!! Otherwise, like ALWAYS know I am praying for you and PLEASE pray for Cindy and I!!

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Find out more about Cindy’s new Bible study, Live Full Walk Free, plus download freebies for your own journey through 1 Corinthians here: http://www.cindybultema.com/live-full-walk-free/.

How Do I Know It Is You God?

General Thoughts, God and Country, Journal
Posted on 2 Comments on How Do I Know It Is You God?

In the last month I have been shown how I was looking at my calling a bit wrong. Not all wrong, but wrong enough that is was messing up my direction. So, I thought instead of journaling through it in my journal I would journal through it with you all. Then as I crisp up my own understanding you might gain some insight into your own world.

I have been hosting a bible study in my home and the first one we decided to do was Red Hot Faith by Cindy Bultema.  One of the points of discussion had to do with eliminating blind spots.  Blind Spots are things that keep us from achieving our best for God, but the hard part about this is that these are ‘blind spots’. We can go our entire lives and never know they even exist. When I first read this I had to take a few weeks to sort through this idea and reflect on my own life to determine what blind spots were hiding in my life.  My gut was telling me there was definitely a blind spot that God was working to reveal to me.

Just before Christmas we went to visit some family that was in town to do some sledding. While there my Aunt asked me if I followed Father Joe, a cousin to her and my Mom, on Facebook. I do, so I replied, “Yes, but hadn’t checked in lately.” She proceeded to comment that his post earlier that week was really nice. Later that night, I checked his post out. In it he discusses ways we know it is God we are listening to. One of the points he mentioned was that if it is God calling us to do something that there will be sacrifice involved. Just reading his words caused a light bulb to come on for me. It was like a gap was connected for me. Yes, I always knew the idea of the road less traveled or the road with dips and turns, bumps and obstacles, verses the easy road, but I guess this was a blind spot for me as I needed that word SACRIFICE to connect a dot for my brain. I suddenly realized why I was struggling with “Is God calling me or isn’t He. Nothing seems to be falling into place. I am not having time to do something.” Well, duh I need to make some sacrifice to make it happen and it isn’t going to be easy.

THE BACK STORY … Growing up I always heard how if it was Gods plan everything would just fall into place. Well, that is not entirely true. Yes, God will open and close doors, but He needs you to travel the path to get to the door AND you need to open it. Or you need to acknowledge the door is closed and seek out the one He desires for you to open. The journey to those open doors will include sacrifice.

What is strange for me about this is that I KNEW all is from experience. When we decided I was going to stay home we had to make a sacrifice of a second income. When we decided to homeschool we had to make more sacrifices to put money into curriculum, learn to live with a messy home, my own time would be consumed by kids, etc. When I say this to you I can honestly say there are hard days, but the good and great days far out weighed the bad and instead of sacrifice it is blessing. So, why I did not see that sacrifice would need to be made in this next phase or direction He was leading us? I have no idea. Well, actually maybe because I never thought ahead about any of those previous decisions. They were just what we were going to do and we never looked at any of it as a sacrifice. Where as this time around I know it needs to be done, but I am feeling the struggle much more than before.

It feels good when you head in the right direction and when there are struggles God gives you affirmation that you are on the right path, He is with you, and He will get you through it. JUST TRUST HIM. I have been fortunate to have a group of amazing ladies praying for me and feeding me with encouragement through this. Then I have had some crazy random Holy Spirit FILLED moments that SHOUTED I was doing the right thing. Including writing this post, I finished typing the rough draft last night, this morning I woke up to the below photo shared by Molly Green and knew I was still on the right path. So, now I set editing, which is funny since I am HORRIBLE at that, and adding in links to BEAUTIFUL people you should check out for some of your own encouragement.

molly-green

So, is God calling you? Are you listening to God? One part of knowing is if it will require you to make a sacrifice. If you aren’t hearing Him maybe check yourself for blind spots…things in your life, up bringing, thought patterns, etc that are keeping you from reaching out to Him. Find someone that can help you sort through it all…journal to Him.

NOTE: I am NOT an affiliate with any of the above people, companies, etc. I just love them and want to share them with you AND they are apart of the reason I had a wonderful light bulb moment. Also, here is a link to Father Joe’s column in Faith Magazine.

A Moment

General Thoughts, God and Country, Journal, Uncategorized
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Just a moment can change your life. Everyone has defining moments. What are yours? Have you put them in perspective? Have you allowed them to define your life or you? Have you let them moment consume you?

See some people think that allowing a moment define you or your life means that you have allowed yourself to dwell on that moment. Not at all…dwelling on or living in means you have parked yourself in that moment. Having a defining moment or several moments means that you have experienced the moment to its fullest good or bad, then you have allowed God to use that moment to move you where He needed to move you. Have you felt God move you?

I have, but most of the time it is when I look back and I see that He moved me. When you are in a moment many times it can be so consuming that you might know He is there, but you simply do not know or feel Him working until time has past and you can look back.

Moments that forever change the way you look at or understand pretty much everything around you.

Moments that forever change the way you love people.

Moments that forever change what you believe to be true.

Moments that forever change the look in your eyes.

Moments that forever change things like what you read, eat, watch, etc.

Moments that forever change where you live.

Moments that change YOU and YOUR perspective…view of YOUR world.

My moments have made me the me I am today. My moments drive me and I feel God behind the wheel as He turns those moments…those defining moments…into something He is using for His plan.

So, look at your defining moments, leave them as the moment, and FEEL HIM working them for good.

Please Pray for me I am praying for you.

 

In Weakness Is Strength

God and Country, Journal
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Dear Lord,

As you know I have been having a recurring dream that I am pretty sure is your way of communicating with that part of me that is hidden from my conscious mind, from my will, from my own fears and doubts, and from my insecurities. I am pretty sure you a revealing some very powerful and awesome things. Yet, we still have some work to do. The amazing thing though is that I have already learned a great deal about myself and have grown tremendously in my faith in the gifts you have given me. I am just not sure yet where you are leading me. Until then the most powerful thing that I am working on I found in your word and then a dear friend in a completely random message the next day said to me

“He helps us in our weaknesses!”

and the verse the night before that struck me and became the subject of my journal post that night about was

“Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

I get it that of course I am weak. I get it that of course there will be days filled with more than I can handle. I get it that though it is more than I can handle YOU, YOU MY LORD, are always there next to me holding my hand, leading me, maybe even carrying me. I am weak, but because of you next to me I AM STRONG. 

Lord, I am pretty sure most Moms and probably Dads feel weak ALL THE TIME…please Lord help them to feel You and feel STRONG with You. Help us when we are crying as we wash the dishes. Help us when as we are folding laundry we are wondering if anyone appreciates how neatly we do this tedious job. Help us when we pull away from the house feeling horribly guilty for going to work, taking a break time, or doing anything without them. Help us when we are on our knees completely lost and can’t hear You. Help us when we are so angry we raise a hand. PLEASE stop the hand! Help us when we are so tired we go about the day in a complete fog. Help us when we are sick with nobody to help us take care of them. Lord…help us … when we are weak to KNOW we are STRONG because in every moment you are there waiting for us to call on You.

I am weak everyday. I am stronger in my weakness. Kelly

 

I am praying for you please pray for me…for weakness as that is where there is strength.

I Will Pray For You

God and Country
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I am someone that prays all the time. If I wasn’t talking to Jesus all the time in my little head and heart, then I am not sure how I would get through my day. I DO NOT SAY that to proclaim anything or to say I am a better than anyone. In fact, I know I am not better than and that I am imperfect so I NEED to pray. Yet, it seems when I tell people I am praying for them sometimes they get this glazed over look. I will not presume to know what each person’s glazed over look means. I am sure something different for everyone. Yet, for the sake of discussion lets assume some meanings.

First of all, maybe it is a feeling a “AWE”. They are feeling so overwhelmed with joy that someone is going to honor them by taking time to pray for them that they are just speechless and shocked with wonder. I am sure this is even more so when someone is in great need of prayer and isn’t afraid to admit it.

Secondly, I think maybe for some people they have never had anyone offer to pray for them or even with them. This happened to me once. I was never raised to just grab someone’s hands and offer to pray for them them. Yet, God has placed MANY people in my life over the past 20 years that do this without hesitation and it has rubbed off on me. So, maybe that look is a glazed over look from shock or surprise.

Thirdly, maybe that person is wondering “Why in the heck are you praying for me? Do you think I need praying for? Who are you to pray for me? You are a sinner yourself?” WOW…maybe all that, more or less, but I am sure sometimes the glazed over look is from them feeling insulted or offended. I suppose then their glazed over look is from them choosing to keep their emotions behind the glaze.

Whatever the reason it seems telling someone, that isn’t struggling with something and ASKING for prayers, that you are going to or are praying for them just sits funny with people. Do it anyway! People we all need all the prayers we can get. Plus, we all need to be praying for as many people and situations as we can. It is what we are all called to do. Sure we all have our own spiritual gifts and talents that God gave us to use. For some prayer is stronger. Yet, the ONE THING we ALL are called to do is pray and serve each other. What is the easiest or maybe for some the hardest way to serve one another….PRAY FOR THEM.

FINAL THOUGHTS…so if someone tells you they are praying for you just take it as them showing their Christlike Love for you. Accept it for what it is PRAYER.

God Bless! I am PRAYING for you PLEASE PRAY for me!

Mom, Do You Need Time Away?

Family Life, General Thoughts, God and Country
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I wrote the italic portion on October 10, 2014. I suppose there was a reason I never posted it until now. Maybe that I simply needed to reread it this evening as I prepare it to post tomorrow. I recall the evening I typed it. The words came to my head almost faster than I could type them. That weekend I felt closer to God than I had in a very long time.

So, I am here sitting out at Silver Lake at the Dunes knowing the beautiful Lake Michigan is on the other side. I am here by myself for myself to have alone time with my mind and my God. I am loving the sound of the waves. The smell of the brisk fresh air. Praying that God reveals many things to me this weekend, but mostly right now as I type what he needs you to hear.

Today, right now, He NEEDS you Mom’s to know that He treasures you like He treasures His own Momma Mary. He regards her with great honor and He feels the same for you.  See you are doing the same for your little’s that Mary did for Him. What is that? You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are teaching and guiding them the best you can with what you know. You search and reach for all you can learn, earn, and achieve so you can give them all they deserve, desire, and dream. You let God lead you each day to discover THEIR reason for being. You let God lead you to help Him mold them into where He needs them to be each day.

He wants you to know that He led others to help you. He wants you to know that it is a must for you to be alone with Him. To rest your body, mind, and soul. He/They need you to revive your spirit. To connect with Him so He can connect to them through you. It is okay. It is NOT being selfish to clear your heart and mind for a period of time. In fact, if you recall Jesus needed to and was called by God to do just that several times. Before Jesus there were Moses, Joshua, Abraham, David, Mary, Elizabeth, etc that were called to be alone with Him. To take a break from the demands of their role among the people to draw closer to God and His desires for them. To clearly see the visions God had for them.

Do you have to be gone for 60 hours at a Women’s Retreat on a lake like I am right now. NOPE…in fact this is my first time away from home, kids, husband, and family in 16 years. I have been in my home in our home town by myself, which was always very refreshing. That was perfect for me back them. Now though I have come to realize I can not send the kids to Grandma’s and just stay home. Why? Because for me I would find something that needed to be done. For this time in my life I need to be here…away…to be bored, to relax that I have not relaxed in a long time. Hey, and to be sharing with you all.

My first session starts at 8 pm. So, I am concluding Part 1 with this. He wants you to know He loves you beyond any feeling you can imagine, but more than even that He wants you to know to love Him so much that you can also love yourself enough to be alone.  Hmmm….enough to be alone….a thought to ponder….

I do have more I typed that weekend and I am sure I will post soon.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

Who, but God, Knew … – Part 3

Family Life, God and Country
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Who, but God, knew that after that third miscarriage that led to a DNC, which I later learned nearly killed me, that baby number two was on the way. Who, but God, knew that six months later around our baby boy’s second birthday we would become pregnant with child number two. For the first time, I really understood my husband’s need to keep things quiet. Yet, for me it wasn’t about myself so much as the pain of telling other people of our lose over and over again. Yet, God knew the baby names would start forming in our heads. Things were really happening.

It was a sad time for us that year. Who, but God, knew that my Grandma would pass away shortly after we found out we were expecting. My father-in-law would be battling cancer. Then just before our new baby arrived my Grandpa would pass away. We welcomed baby #2 into the world the day after our anniversary and just before Christmas. Who, but God, knew that we would have to be rushed into an emergency c-section as both of our hearts were dropping with each contraction. Who, but God, knew that watching my father-in-law hold her would be treasured memories as he would leave us just 3 days after we had her baptized. Who, but God, Knew this little one would bring a great deal of joy during a sad time.

We had 9 months of pure joy with our two beautiful children…when what out of the blue…Who, BUT GOD, knew baby number 3 was on the way. Yet, ONLY GOD knew that she would have to be a fighter to make it into the world. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when the bleeding started. I left my classroom that day and God Knew it would be the last day I would teach in a classroom. They told me that day I would most likely miscarry the child. I recall looking at the doctor and saying “No disrespect, but I have had 4 miscarriages and this baby is a fighter we will have no miscarriage here.” Bed rest it was for me for two weeks while praying my rosary all the time, talking to God, and loving this baby. Then I was cleared to get up and about, but pretty much could do nothing for 2 more months. Until they told me we would in fact be having this baby. Who, but God, knew that Baby #3 would arrive 17 months, 17 days after #2 was born. Who, but God, knew that this Baby #3 would need me to look her in the eye at age 6 with tears in both our eyes as I tell her “Honey, it is okay to quit fighting. Let your little spirit rest. You made it here. We love you … you don’t have to be the fighter anymore.” I wish I could explain that moment. It was a true Holy Spirit moment as I watched her just become lighter and a smile like I have never seen before grow on her face and in her eyes. Who, but God, Knew that moment would happen and the power it would have on the two of us in so many ways. He knew we both needed that moment.

To Be Continued….

God Bless! Praying for you please pray for me.

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