General Thoughts

Might seem like a silly question, but yesterday I asked us to think about who Jesus is to us. Today I feel the desire to reflect on expectations. I truly believe it is our expectations that get us into trouble. Get us into feelings of despair, loneliness, anger, frustration, and I could go one with many more emotions.

What do you expect from yourself? What do you expect from your spouse? What do you expect from your children? What do you expect from friends, parents, siblings, extended family, neighbors, community, world, etc.? Again I could go on and on and on with this.

***Before continuing I ask that you stop and reflect on what types of things you expect from the people in your life and around you. How you want them to treat you? What you may want them to do for you? Then come back here and read the rest of my post. I should just make this a two-part post, but your are grown ups and really it probably doesn’t matter a bunch.***

Expectations are what seems to get me into trouble in many ways, but before I explain that I what to make a note that expecting things out of or from people is not always a bad thing. What is bad is when you expect things you have never shared with the other party. Anyway, let me give some examples. First of all, I expect that people drive with courtesy. How does this get me in trouble? Well, it can cause me great frustration, anger, and stress when someone doesn’t drive in a manner I (YES I) deem appropriate. Yet, another layer to that is that what I deem appropriate comes from how I was taught to drive or how I was raised. So, my expectation of how people should drive really comes from my own perceptions of what is right. You can take this example and apply similar concepts to every area of your life.

I guess the best place to star is in your home. Do you expect things from your kids? Sure we all do, but have you explained and properly taught them the habits necessary to meet your expectations? Then once you are fully aware that they have been properly trained do you properly follow through daily on making sure they meet those expectations? Or do you slack in this and then blow up when over time they are not meeting your expectations? HA…I have made this mistake. How about your spouse? Do you expect your spouse to know that when you mope around the house it means they should cook dinner? Or whatever you please…do you expect them to know that you want them to do anything for you? Yet, you never explain this to them. OH THEY SHOULD JUST KNOW, because they are an adult?? Right…just like you should know how to change the oil in the car because you are an adult? I work REALLY hard NOT to get upset with my husband if he doesn’t respond in a way that I would like him to WHEN I HAVE NEVER told him. I am not in the business of giving advice. Just thoughts. So I will end on that note. I hope you are thinking.

Final Thought…my husband and I rarely fight and I believe that is because we are ALWAYS open and honest with each other about what we need or desire from the other person on everything from doing dishes to our personal relationship. We were not always this way we achieved this after READING LOTS of books!

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

Let’s assume for this post that my children are NOT the only one’s in the world that can have a meltdown … one that will carry on throughout the day. Why do they do this? And why do we as parents feel like we are being punished by the God’s? (Okay there is only ONE God. I am using sarcasm!) I can not speak for you and your children nor will I ever try, but my kids have meltdowns for what seems like the craziest things and it always SEEMS like it happens at the worst possible times. Anything ringing true for anyone?

So, in my life with four children it seems that on average we have an extended meltdown 1-2 times a week from at least one child. Currently, it is our #2 and #3 children that seem to have them the most often. Our oldest tends to get in a mood that resembles anger more than anything and leaving him alone is always the best policy. The other two, man, when they get going on something there is screaming, foot stomping, LOTS of tears, whining, pouting, etc. Usually when this occurs they also like to make sure to do it all EXTRA hard or EXTRA loud…ya know just in case the neighbors that live 100 yards away can hear.

I used to try to defuse it immediately and be the good mom trying to calm them down, but typically what occurred was that I would wind up getting all worked up and screaming back at them. NOW THAT IS COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE. Then I read or heard some wise words about how … oh read them in The Five Love Languages for Children…that kids will have strong emotions and as parents you have two choices let them experience these emotions with your love and support OR force them to keep the emotion in. By doing the first one you show them you are a safe place for them no matter what.

Don’t get me wrong … since when this occurs I feel like our life is placed on hold and the roof my fall in. I think “Lord what did I do to deserve this today?” Yet, you know it isn’t about me that child in that moment is suffering and it is our job to teach them how to work through their stuff before a meltdown occurs. We need to get over ourselves and the inconvenience they seem to cause us at times. Besides, think of yourself … when you are all out of sorts isn’t there usually ALWAYS a reason? Well, the same is true for them. Currently, my 2 older children are knocking on hormone changes and #3 is close behind. Pretty sure we are in for lots of extreme emotions over the next 15 years as #4 will have to go through it all as well.

Final Thought…instead of seeing their meltdown as a slight or inconvenience ask God to show you what is wrong so you can TRULY teach them how to handle that emotion when it comes up again.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!!

How many times as a Mommy or Daddy have you wondered if you were successful at making family memories? Or tried to make more time to do things with the kids to make lasting memories?  Or even desired more time so you could make those connections with family?

Well, I am here to tell you I can answer yes to all of the above. Not sure if you are familiar with the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but after reading this I learned I was a quality time person. This I hope is self explanatory, but it basically means I show love and desire to be loved through spending time time with others. It can even be the time someone took to do something for me or think about a gift to buy me. With that said I am always focused on the idea of TIME with those I love. Whether you are quality time or not you may have family that is and they are desiring more time with you. Leaving you to wish you had more time to do that. Or wondering how in the world can you afford to spend more time with them. I will elaborate, but this is much more simple than I made it out to be over the past 10 years. Yep, took me 10 years to realize I was making family time very complicated.

Another reason I desired memory making time was that my own father passed away when I was seven years old. Over the years since that accident I sub-consciously drove my schedule to squeeze in as much QUALITY time with family as humanly possible. My definition of that was gatherings, vacations, events, in other words, BIG type moments. Sure I seen the value in the little moments, but something in me wanted more. Once our kids started arriving I immediately started thinking of all the vacation spots I wanted to explore with them. Oh, and when could we get that camper or cabin to make summer time memories. As time began to tick away I felt myself feeling guilty for not doing MORE with our kids. Sure we had taken them on some week long trips that I can vividly recall, but what about the other 51 weeks during the year. Okay there are the birthday parties and holiday parties. So, lets say the other 50 weeks we are making NO memories as a family, right? Dear God what will my kids have for memories someday when I am gone. INSERT GIGGLE … as I honestly thought and felt those things for a VERY long time. How stressful!

The change happened gradually as God revealed to me daily these little moments of Joy until suddenly the dots connected and I flash backed over thousands of memories made in our home, back yard, driving from activity to activity, bedtime, bath time, dinner time, etc. Spending time with our kids making memories is the easiest thing we can do and the cheapest. The problem is we complicate it thinking it has to be done a certain way or that money has to be spent for it to be a valued time. Or we ruin moments or let them pass by because we weren’t truly present in the moment.  Instead we were focused on the tasks that will be there tomorrow or YEP … the phone, tablet, computer, or TV. For me I wondered … Am I watching him practice his sparring or forms at Karate? Did I see that she FINALLY mastered that step in tap class? Yes, she completed a cart wheel! I asked my kids what their favorite family fun time is and they all replied that it was when we turn our favorite radio station up and dance like crazy people. How about how just last night they ran around the yard chasing firefly’s while watching for the three bats that were flying through the yard. Or even before that we made pizza’s on the fire and roasted marshmallows. Memories are made everyday. You just have to step out of the way of God and let Him show you how to love and appreciate the little moments. If you are not a quality time person, then it might be harder for you to realize that others need you to spend little moments with them everyday. Will we still do the big trips and have the big parties sure, but now instead of focusing on how we can’t do certain things I focus on the things we can do or are doing.

Time is what is valuable not the money spent of it. God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me.

NOTE: I am an affiliate with Amazon, but I just had to write this as the whole thought came to me last night watching them chase those firefly’s. Besides the book is wonderful. Two others he wrote after that are The Five Love Languages for Children and The Five Love Languages for Teenagers. I must add I was at a conference last week and one of the speakers was a very powerful speaker and touched our hearts. He promoted this book. He told us over and over to appreciate the little moments and that we will never get this day back. Maybe he is why I seen the little moments and felt the need to share with you. Thank You Mark Mcleod for sharing your heart with us for two days. God Bless You!