General Thoughts – Kelly Jean Knieper

Holy Spirit Moments

Posted on June 6, 2020Leave a comment

As long as I can remember I have had vivid dreams and sensations that someone was near. You know those dreams you wake up from and you can recall every detail right down to numbers and colors. Or those moments when the hair stands up on the back of your neck. Even when you get goosebumps when someone shares something with you. I bet others have JUST KNOWN they should do something and WOW later learn it was a good thing they did. How about those moments when an image flashes through your mind. I can’t be the only one. Whose with me?

I have had many moments over the past 30 years, but I will focus today on moments in the past 10 years. One day I recall feeling a great disconnect with God and frustrated in with feeling at my whits end. I was sitting in the middle of my living room and cried out to Him to show me my purpose. Just then a song played that told me my purpose for that season was to raise up my children to be Children of God.

Another moment not long after that I was once again praying in my living room (so strange since I spend the least amount of my time in that room). Feeling wrought with fear, anxiety, and worry. This was an ongoing fear for most of my life. I had lived with great fear of loss and anytime I prayed I heard in my head different versions of “you have nothing to fear” or “you all are guarded”. Yet, in this moment I just seemed to be so lost. I cried, “Lord, I am over this. I can not continue to feel this way. I will not pass this anxiety on to my kids. Please take it. Please show me, in my human weakness, that You GOT THIS!” I felt a wave wash over me. I turned towards a window that gave me a clear view of our entry door to see a soldier angel standing guard, saw flash in my mind of the same type of angels hovering around our house, and heard in my mind what seemed to be an audible voice, but was not, “Now do you believe me. Go be Bold! Your family is heavily guarded!” Those angels had the most beautiful wings with browns & golds that radiated light. The one at our door was armored up and I have since learned wearing the exact armor Paul writes about in Ephesians 6. It was within that year I had lunch with a friend, who without knowing this happened, grabbed my hand in prayer and said, “Be bold, Kelly, BE BOLD!” Well, that was my conviction. Boldness out of a person that spent years avoiding confrontation and living with fear of bad news was no easy transition.

It took about five years for me to get to a place where I felt more comfortable speaking up. Which is about the same time I restarted my blog. Also, around this time God placed a heavy burden on my heart, but before I get to that I want to share two other visions I had that are also connected. The first was before I went to vote in the 2016 election. I really struggled and prayed a great deal about this election. In my mind, there was no clear direction for casting my vote. I prayed without ceasing going up to the vote. I asked God to give me something to confirm my vote was the right vote and to trust that His will would prevail. As I placed my pencil down, I saw a white angel wing press down upon my hand. This confirmed I was casting my vote correctly. Then in March, 2019, my dearest friend went home to be with the Lord. In May of that year, I was back in church for the first time since her funeral, feeling her loss, and the weight of this burden I mentioned above. I was kneeling in prayer, asking God to once again show me He is in fact here working. To show me He is with me. To show me He needs me to be bold. I looked up to the front of our big, beautiful church to see the biggest angel hovering over our altar with wings spread wide and dressed again for battle. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out in tears from the sight of it. Tears did fall, but I kept them under control. To this day I believe it was St Michael the Archangel. I felt God was reminding me of this burden to pray, telling me it was time to pick up my sword, and sharing a grand message that He was engaged in a spiritual battle.

This burden I was led to pray about, that I saw everywhere in all areas of my life, the burden of division, of the great divide, of our inability to listen. Almost simultaneously I was drawn to the Holy Spirit. I felt like the Holy Spirit was the warrior our world needed. In fact, Jesus told the disciples he had to leave so the Spirit of Truth could come. Jesus knew we needed the Holy Spirit. I began almost a meditative prayer anytime I felt called. I would pray “Come, Holy Spirit, Come. Please move like a wave across our land revealing ALL truth. Opening all eyes, including mine, to the lies of the devil & all who do his will. Please Holy Spirit cleanse our world from all corruption & lies. Your people are hurting. Your world is hurting. Save us.” Then it happened one night while praying this, I saw a ribbon of light that was winding itself, like a figure-eight, over our land. I could feel a change coming. I thought it was a fluke thing until it began to happen over and over again. Then I began to see things coming to light in our world. Facts and evidence being revealed. In recent months, this vision has moved through the following phases to the one it is at today. From the figure-eight ribbon over the United States. Second, a circular ribbon flowing like a wheel around the entire earth that has gradually increased in speed. Third, a wideband still around the earth moving so fast you can barely see that it is moving. (The best I can explain this is, if you have seen the Thor movies and can visualize the bridge between worlds, that is what this looks like but wrapped around the world.) Fourth, the same wideband but racing on it, almost as if to keep it moving, was a silver-white pegasus with a male rider. Fifth, no rider, but a thin wheel moving extremely fast. Finally, the band is gone and there are two horses/pegasus racing around the earth. I can see dirt flying from their hooves. I can see they are larger than life on earth. I can see they are the white-silver one and a brown-gold one. I can see there are two riders. They are armored again like Paul describes to battle the enemy. I hear them calling us to armor ourselves up and prepare to battle the enemy.

It has been so surreal to watch these events unfold before my eyes and know that the Holy Spirit is at work in a big, powerful way. Here we are facing a great divide that stands to defeat us if we don’t armor up against the real enemy, the invisible enemy, that comes to seek & destroy. I feel like my role in this is to share my visions with you and to continue to pray for truth to be revealed.

I will end with this, I have also had several dreams and so have my kids. I will share those with you, but friends have shared with me other visions from different people they have read. One calls us to STAND FIRM as the waves come pouring in. Another saw a demon and when he asked the demon who it was the response was three things, but the greatest was GREED. The corruption to be revealed is rooted in centuries of greed by principalities & rulers of this world, that have sought to hold God’s people in bondage so they can control the wealth of the world. Only time will tell, but it is my belief we will see it all unfold at a rapid rate.

Remember Ephesians 6. It is time to put on your Armor of God!

Nudges From God

Posted on July 28, 20191 Comment

A great deal has been happening in the Knieper home the past six months, but before I get to all that I will give some of our back story in a quick paragraph. First, we started homeschooling in 2009 with our now 14 year old son. Over the course of our schooling we have had struggles with dyslexia. Next, we reached a stage where we decided I would look for some sort of job online to help out with things. I began teaching online classes for The Academy at Bright Ideas Press. I have loved it and have learned a tremendous amount. Finally, over the past two years our Meredith mentioned at different times she thought she would want to attend a school. We were okay with that, but wanted to give her more time to work through her dyslexia struggles and we wanted to make sure it was a Christian education. Also, during these two years I always felt like I was fighting to get into routine. Like we were always under a spiritual attack. I was praying protection over our family, finances, health, and homeschool. I just could not shake that feeling that something was not right.

Onto the past six months that will eventually overlap into events in that first paragraph.

On February 4, 2019 I had a dream of myself and my girls walking into a school. I woke up during the night startled. See I have had dreams in the past that have come true. I laid there thinking about my dream. I remembered the girls were dressed similar and were wearing blue. I remember trying to remember if Joe was with us. He was not, but I remember feeling like he was also in school. I fell back asleep and in the morning I was looking at my Bible App daily scripture. It was from Isiah 43:19 “I am about to do something new.” So, NOW I am definitely startled. Is God really talking to me through my dreams? Will we really have to end our homeschool journey? What about my online job that I love? About this same time my best friend’s health started failing so I was able to ignore that this was even a possibility.

Skip ahead to April when I noticed New Lothrop had a posting for a high school teacher, which I was relieved to see was not my certification. Relieved because I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to work and put our kids in school. Yet, I found myself also a little sad I couldn’t apply. So, after mulling that over a bit I realized it might be worth looking to see what might be available. I mean…the dream, Meredith’s desire, and our prayers over our finances, etc.

Now we are in May and I decided to look again and notice TWO positions were available at a Catholic school in Lansing. BOTH were in my certification, but 45 minutes away. I spoke with my husband and his reply went something like this “No way! You are not driving to Lansing. What would you do about the kids? You’d have to leave at like 6:30. What about winter? I do not want you working full-time while I am on 2nd shift. It is too much! Maybe if it was at St. Paul’s we would consider it.” End of story…I am not sure he even took a breath. Ha!

Our June was extremely busy and kept my mind occupied with things other than a Ladies Weekend trip my friend from Owosso invited me on. I was interested in going, but too busy to think about it. Then I had been so busy I was thinking I may rather just stay home. BUT the trip NEVER left my mind or my gut…like I knew I had to go, but my flesh was tired. Ha!

Now we are in the 1st week of July and I am still going back and forth with the Ladies Weekend. I have some down time and up comes that dream again and my thoughts that God was truly doing something new. In all honesty though I was also afraid to let go of homeschooling…friendships, my shelves of curriculum, our time together, our individualized education, etc. All good stuff right? Yet, something told me I needed to jump in and let God have control. I looked again at jobs and Googled “Teaching Jobs in Shiawassee County”. You all … on that list was St Paul’s Middle School Social Studies Teacher. If you remember above that was the school my husband rattled off in his deep breath argument against the Lansing school. Of all schools…he mentioned St Paul’s…and NOW there is was a job at St Paul’s. I thought my heart stopped. I couldn’t believe it. THEN I realized I was excited. WHAT? Why was I excited? I don’t want a job, right? I couldn’t work full-time with Antony on 2nd shift. I would be running from 8am to 8pm every day. Plus, my ministry at our church what would I do there? I did mention it to Anthony. He was concerned about the same things…full-time, running kids every night, tuition costs for the girls, would pay be worth all my work, etc. So, for about 7 days we mulled it over and my head kept saying no, but my damn (sorry it is fitting) gut/intuition KNEW there was more to the story. MEANWHILE, my friend that invited me on the Ladies weekend and another friend attending are connected with St Paul’s. So, I asked them a few questions and asked them to PRAY for discernment. I was praying hard (had been for 3 months now) that God would open doors and close doors. I needed a clear path. Ha!

Now before I continue ALOT happened after this. It was back and forth fast. July 8 I had access to my online classes for the first time and learned my numbers were small. Was this a closing door? I am going on the ladies weekend, but still looking for a ride. I learn one of the ladies going TEACHES at St Paul’s. Really? Skip ahead to Thursday…I have a ride and we leave Friday…I am packing and find myself sitting at the computer revising my resume and submitting it for the job. WHAT? I am not really sure why I did it, other than I have really felt like God had a plan AND I couldn’t get answers to the unknowns unless I did. I wrote a 3 paragraph cover letter explaining why I was hesitating in applying, but ended it with “I am only applying because I feel like I am supposed to and I am well aware that sometimes what we want is not what God wants for us.”

We arrive to the Ladies Weekend and through the course of conversations I learned that the position was part-time and I had a better idea about the tuition expense. I kept texting my hubby, who kept replying “Great, but go have fun!” That Friday (the 12th) night I received an email asking if I would want to interview Tuesday, the 16th, at 9:30am. Everyone was very excited and began praying all the little details would work out and for my discernment. That night on FB I saw a prayer “Rest tonight knowing what is on your mind is in God’s hands.” I shared it the next day I couldn’t believe how fitting it was.

July 16th interview day. Everything went great!! Yet, my anxiety was high not really knowing how it went on their end. Then I kept telling myself “Whatever God had planned would be a blessing and perfect.” That weekend my two different devotionals focused on waiting on the lord…one Saturday and one Sunday. The most powerful line in Sunday’s devotion I read that night was “Remember you are waiting on the Lord.” I had an instant wave of peace come over me and KNEW the job was mine and God worked out all the details. I even have a text message trail to prove it. Ha!

July 22 on my 4 mile walk while I was ending mile 3 my phone rings. The principal was calling to offer me the part-time position and ran through all the details, which I repeated back to her, because I truly did not believe the blessings were real. I told her I would let her know that afternoon after I spoke with my husband and kids again. We hung up and I SOBBED…I know many of you know I am a crier, but this was different. I SOBBED. I almost got down on my knees right in the middle of the road to praise all He did. Instead I walked and praised and gave thanks. After we ran all the numbers we realized He DOUBLED what we had been asking in prayer for two years. Yep…there is that two years again. Almost to the day of when I started praying for it. I have a journal record to prove it. Ha!

July 23 TobyMac’s daily post was “Never be afraid to change, you may lose something good, but you many gain something even better.” There was my conviction…as if I needed another one…that it was ALL God. Add in our girls were very excited AND the dress code/uniform colors are BLUE, tan, and white. Recall my girls were wearing BLUE in my dream. God is GOOD! Yes, He speaks to us anyway He can reach you.

So, here we go on a whole new adventure. We are under no delusions that it will be an easy transition. We are praying for our protection since it is obvious God wants us there that probably means Satan does not. In it all though I know God’s plans for the adventure are ONLY JUST BEGINNING.

God is nudging you, too. Are you listening? He communicates through ANYthing to get your attention…people, music, books, etc. Are you feeling something in your gut? Are you fighting a “force” all the time and in constant frustration? Discern…is God sending you a message? This has been a VERY humbling experience and I can honestly say it has felt so good I hope more of His hand in our life is just around the corner.

I am praying for you all. Please pray for me?

For Nichole

Posted on March 31, 20196 Comments

Below you will find what I wrote in the middle night after my sweet friend of nearly 30 years passed away and read at her service the evening before her funeral. Nichole used to call us “sister friends” because over the years we behaved like sisters. We fought, we spoke our mind, we cried with each other, we laughed until our sides hurt, we dreamed together, etc. One thing she always told me was that I had a gift of words whether spoken or written. I still doubt that and am trying really hard to have that faith in myself as she had in me.

A few years ago I woke up to the words “Finding Him Beside Her” running through my head … I assumed it was the title to a book about myself I was supposed to write. It has yet to get very far. Then other ideas about helping others share their story have come to me. Finally, when I was writing this you will notice that as I was typing the end I did not even think about it until the words were typed out “helping her find Him beside her” that I just let the tears fall. The Holy Spirit leads us and stays with us until we finally get it. I think this moment with Nichole has confirmed many things for me about my own journey, but first I need sometime to figure out life without her in it. For now please read the words that I believe she wanted to share with everyone. I believe there are still more things she will want me to share with you, but that will be later.

Hello my name is Kelly Knieper. I am a friend of Nichole’s, one of the sassy friends.

We have been friends since High School, but over the last few years I feel fortunate to have shared something more with her.

The summer after her diagnosed Nichole and I escaped to Tawas for a weekend. We had some pretty deep talks about death, friendship, faith, and other random girl talk. It seems that one of these conversations had me promising to never ask her questions and to let her be in charge of all conversation that revolved around her. I ended up promising her that the only question I would ask was “How are you today?” She laughed at that and then looked me straight in the face “I will hold you to that promise.” The next morning and days to come I wondered what I had done.

Well, guess what? You can learn a great deal about a person when you listen and watch them. Wait in the silence for them to share their heart. I did keep my promise I never had a clue what med she was on or when her appointments were. I HATED it at times. It was really hard living in a state of unknown, but what I learned about my dearest friend and what she asked me to help her with means so much more.

One day I received a text from her that she just finished reading a Karen Kingsbury book with some ladies at work. She knew I have read her books for years. She asked me why I did not do more to encourage her to read them before now. She shared with me how nice it was to read stories about people that struggled, but also had great faith. From that day forward I started to hear her talk more about faith. It was something different than attending Mass, or even just a general faith talk, it was more about who God was to her.

In the fall of 2017 we made plans to go to Nashville. A trip we had always talked about taking. In March 2018 she approached me about changing the dates of the trip to be able to attend a book signing by Karen Kingsbury. In all honesty, I did not want to switch the dates, because it would mean I would get home JUST in time for our dance recital. We were at the Barnes & Noble waiting and looking at books when the power went out. We waited an hour at tables wondering if the event would be cancelled. They could let us stay, but they could not let others in. Then Nichole noticed a pretty nice SUV pull up and IMMEDIATELY the lights came on. It was crazy. Karen shared with us that evening that on their way to the bookstore her husband felt the need to pray for the event. There were only about ten people in attendance that night so the event was set up like a round table type event. Listening to others share the impact her stories have had on their lives and hearing about the stories she was working on made for a very special evening. At the end of the event, Nichole and I walked out of the building to a FULL rainbow. Once we were in the car Nichole was very quiet for a while. Eventually, she said “That was a very powerful evening for me. I can’t quite put it all into words, but I do know that writers can change lives and I NEED you to write more. I know you do not believe in yourself, but I believe God gives you words. I love how you love Jesus, like He is your best friend. I also know that I want to learn more about that.” I told her, “You can! God is my Father, Jesus is my friend, and the Spirit is my guide. You can have that, too.”

The next day we visited a bookstore in Franklin that one of Karen’s books is based on. I felt so blessed to hear her having a wonderful conversation with the owner about his faith, asking him questions about Jesus, books, and sources she could learn more about having a personal relationship with Jesus.

Over those three years we also had many other conversations over breakfast, the phone, text messages that grew after each of our bigger events. One day we were at the Barnes & Noble in Flint (yea we liked bookstores) where she ended up asking me to go through the christian book section for more good fiction, devotions, some titles on healing some of her emotions, and what I may have read to develop my relationship with Jesus.

This past summer she mentioned her mom told her she should write a book, but she wasn’t sure about an actual book. She mentioned wanting to share her story though and asked about her and I doing some sort of blog together. We talked about a name and topics we would talk about. I had an event coming up at our church. So I gave her homework and we were to get started in October, but October came and went. We never did get past that point.

Today I think she would want everyone to know she came to know Jesus in a very personal way and THAT brought her a “peace beyond understanding.” I know that is why she was not afraid to go and why she knew everyone she left would be okay. Yes, we did have that conversation, too. If was brief, but we both had lost enough people we loved to know those left behind would be okay. She had come to experience His love and knew she was headed somewhere pretty special. Maybe that is why she asked me to help share her story 6 months ago. She wanted me here right now telling you that she knew you/we would all be okay, especially if we had Jesus by our side.

One last thing about her journey that I believe brought her to the point of asking me to help her find that friendship with Him. As some of you know Nichole was a big Wonder Woman fan. I on the other hand am a Marvel fan so I have a Captain Marvel story that I think describes Nichole. No spoilers…I promise! So, there is this scene where Carol (Captain Marvel) is held captive and being forced to watch scenes from her life. Scenes of people abusing her, of people bullying her, of people knocking her down, and of people telling her she wasn’t good enough. Then as a viewer you get a glimpse of Carol and you can tell she is getting stronger. Next back to all those flashbacks and what do you see, but Carol getting back up EVERY single time and FACING her attackers. That is the moment that Captain Marvel … well I did say no spoilers. Yet, I can tell you that scene will forever remind me of Nichole’s life and her strength. How no matter what people threw at her, did to her, said to her, etc she continually got back up and FACED everything head on. I recall a time she was doubting her strength and I reminded her all she had already survived. She had the faith all along…she just needed a little help FEELING it. So, I may have led her to finding Him beside her, but she taught me about being BRAVE … the past 27 years I watched her get back up and face life with grace, kindness, and forgiveness.

I love you my sweet, dear, beautiful friend. You better be at the gates to greet me!

Four Tools We Have To Help Us And Others

Posted on February 17, 2018Leave a comment

Something that has been rolling around in my mind lately is our willingness to help others or allow others to help us. Like always I find the best place to sort through things is right here typing it out. My Mom used to say “Sit Down let’s hash this out”. So, I guess I am asking you to sit down and hash this out with me.

For a while, now this has been in my head and then little things would pop up in life to make me realize my thought process might be on the right track. I often wondered why people would say to me “WOW four kids you must have your hands full, but not a one would offer to hold a door, carry a kid, or sit and just visit with me.” Or even people close to me would say things like “Oh we all did it. It’s like a right of passage to suffer when raising your kids.” Now I am not here to throw a pity party since I have become stronger in my role as a Mom and even in my health. Yet, those early years that started with a 4 year old, 18 month old, and infant were so stressful and emotionally draining. I did end up with stage four adrenal fatigue where my life had so taxed my adrenal gland that it was barely producing any cortisol. My immune system was a mess. I had horrific migraines. My emotions were up and down and all over the place. I was NOT a healthy Momma. Thankfully, I found a doctor, who figured out the problem and nearly 4 years later I am MUCH better. My adrenals will always be something I have to support and with other autoimmune issues my immune system will need a boost as well, but I know how to do all of that now. My point in sharing this was in the middle of it I did not know how to ask for help and no one noticed or asked if I needed any help. Maybe they did and maybe I refused. That leads me to ….

WHY DO WE REFUSE HELP?

I think for some we are in the middle of a mess and we just do not recognize we need help.

I think PRIDE has something to do with it. We feel admitting we need help demonstrates failure. I mean think about it growing up aren’t pushed to do things independently and some might be pushed harder than others or before they are ready. Sending the little ones the message that growing up means doing things all by myself. Is that really the message we want to send to our kids? I am asking myself, too.

Maybe we just do not want to inconvenience anyone. How many growing up felt like they were always bothering a parent? Told to leave Dad or Mom alone? Now we want those people to ask for help? They don’t know how or they were taught asking was bothering. Again, maybe a bit of PRIDE is involved here. We are just to proud to let someone else help us.

Maybe it is because people have offered, but time and time again never really helped. So people gave up on asking. I wonder about this when I hear the same people say these two things…1) I am so busy always running 2) Anything you need just ask. My door is always open. … How can people help when they is so busy? I am talking about the real help. Not the band aide fix, but the walk through a season with someone sort of help. And if I need help why do I need to come to you? If you are offering to help me shouldn’t you come to me? I don’t know…hashing this idea out with all of you…Thoughts?

WHY DO WE NOT HELP OR SEE OTHERS HAVE A NEED?

Too busy. Is our life so full that it has lost its richness? Its flavor? We just are so focused on today’s task we can’t see beyond our own to do list?

We make assumptions. Oh, they don’t need my help they have it made…they have a great family to help them…look at them they are the perfect couple/family….she always has it all pulled together….he has an amazing wife…etc etc Not sure, but could ENVY come into play here. We may envy a person for whatever situation and we let that blind us to the realities that person may be living in.

We choose not to see. Or we ignore. We are being lazy … SLOTHFUL. Thinking someone else will take care of it.

Where are you at RIGHT NOW in this area of life?

So, with all that said or out of the hash table … what does it matter? Who cares if people are getting the help they might need? Who cares if I am the one helping them or if someone else does it? Well, if you want to explore all this as a friend, an American, or better yet as Christ would … let’s get another cup of coffee and sit back down to hash that out.

Hmmmm…. for me this quote speaks exactly how I feel about a friendship ” We need the comfort that comes in sharing history and being known. We need people who will wade into the middle of our stuff with us and help us fight our way through. We need those who know our kryptonite, what would easily destroy us, and lead us in the opposite direction.” (I found in my journal without an author name not like me so I am unsure whose words these are.) Are you this person in the lives of others? If you see the people you love destroying themselves would you step in and risk a friendship to lead them in the opposite direction? Would you help them whether they wanted it or not? Well….Kelly if they don’t want me help case closed. Really? Is it really over at that point? Or is that just an easy out for us?

Let’s address the American Way, but for me that mean’s going back to our roots … way back. Think of those very first settlers Jamestown and Captain John Smith or the Pilgrims. To keep it simple and straight to the point these groups of people would have died (and 1000s did) had it not been for the help of the Indians in their respective regions. The Natives had been down this road they new exactly how to survive this new journey the settlers were on. With that said in the beginning they were proud and wanted nothing to do with the native people. Quite frankly the natives typically wanted very little to do with the white man. Yet, when things became desperate for the white man they sought out the help of the natives and for whatever reason the natives in these cases chose to help. Yet, even in the middle of the suffering NOT EVERYONE in those groups wanted to ask for help. It took someone else to step up and risk their lives to ask for help. Fast forward to the American Revolution (again keeping things simple)… no way would we have won this war had the wealthy men of our country not sacrificed their riches, their pride, and the friendships with others in England. They wrote letters, risked their lives hiding ammunition’s and Revolutionaries, were killed for mutiny, lost everything … all because they wanted to willingly help the colonist’s and themselves to become a free country. We could keep going throughout our history about times that formed our heritage in which people HAD to ask or offer help. I think we as a society have strayed a bit and offer too much help now … but going too far with help might be another hash chat for later. So, as American’s it is in our roots to help others in need. We see that every time a major tragedy hits. Event then do we do all we could do? I think though many of us are waiting for someone else to take care of the needs. Or we are ready, but do not want to make the first move. In terms, of reaching out to our neighbors … maybe we forget that fixing any problem starts with fixing the one in front of our face first.

Now for some thoughts from a Christian perspective … what does Christ call us to do? I reflected on this and somethings popped into my head about possible tools God has given us to aid in asking for help and reaching out to others. BEFORE WE go on STOP and reflect on this for a minute … IF WE ARE UNWILLING TO HELP OTHERS OR RECEIVE HELP, THEN ARE WE REALLY LETTING GOD INTO OUR LIVES?

Tool 1 PRAYER/SCRIPTURE – One verse I found Hebrews 2:18 “Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.” In the past 6 months I have been learning how to pray scriptures…to put myself in the word to enable me to see how God wants me to follow Jesus … so let’s do that Because I myself was tested through my suffering, I am able to help those who are being tested. WOW>>>>ever think that out of our suffering God will call us to walk that journey with someone else?? If so, and we don’t … then what?? I often think the only way I can truly be rid of my own suffering is to give it to Jesus BY WALKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Think about it when you help others doesn’t it usually make you feel like your own suffering isn’t really as bad as you thought it was. It’s because you take your eyes off yourself for a while. This my friends is where I believe compassion and empathy are born. True some are just born with an EMPATH personality, but empathy is something we develop…or better yet we EARN. A friend once said about this idea of helping is “Christ’s message of love, hope, mercy, and compassion.” Maybe use prayer to lead you on this journey of helping.

Tool 2 FASTING …. What fasting? Fasting is when we initially suffer so we can lean more on God. So maybe we are just tired and it seems like we are always the one giving and never receiving. “I am sick and tired of sending notes, planning events, always being there for everyone else … WHEN WILL ANYONE DO THESE THINGS FOR ME!” Oh, trust me sweet friend I started heading down that path once and it was not a fun one. Recently, I read in my daily reading devotional Sacred Space “Like Jesus I am to be taken, blessed, broken, and given, until I am emptied out and yet mysteriously filled with love.” That is exactly what abruptly stopped my pity party all those years ago. Not those exact words, of course, but the idea at how much joy it brought me to encourage and love on others … to be a go to person for people in my life. Shoot to have even others who weren’t my ‘close friends’ know I was a person they could reach out to. I have been empty MANY times, but I promise you every single time I hit that mark and I crawl in my safe place to refill it is always the memories of the people that fills me back up. Jesus is our example for EVERYTHING. Fasting DOES NOT have to be from food or money or drink. It does not have to happen just during Lent. Fasting is anything that leads you to need Him more. Fasting can and should be an all the time deal. Admitting with tears that this JUST hit me that I fast all the time … Friends when people ask me how I do it I now know the answer I FAST me time leaning of Him every step of the way and when I am REALLY empty He blesses me with TIME and a tremendously full heart.

So, how are we on the helping others scale?

Tool 3 THE HOLY SPIRIT … Ever wonder if maybe God is working in the life of the person ASKING to help you?? Maybe the person asking is struggling with something in their own life and the Holy Spirit led them to your door. Not because you needed them, BUT BECAUSE THEY NEEDED YOU. Just reflect on that …

Tool 4 THE CROSS … What if by refusing help we are refusing to let go of whatever is hurting us? We just do not want to let go of grief, the memories, the hurt, etc. Did you know that this is a reason why Jesus died … sins yes … but more than that to FREE US OF THE BONDAGE of all sorrow and pain. When we refuse to let go … let others help us … are we refusing Jesus? He is there no matter what, but the image I get in my head is like He is on the other side of a locked door that we refuse to unlock. All we need to do is let that person in that wants to help us and we might just be sliding the key under the door to Jesus. While saying “Lord, I am to scared to open the door, but here is the key help me let it go. Help me help myself out of the locked room of _____________.”

So, when we do not participate in the circle of helping … receiving or giving … will someone get hurt? What happens to the Tool Box we have sitting at our feet. Do they get rusty? Disappear?

I think it’s obvious to me … WE ARE ALL EITHER HURTING OR HEALING/HEALED … and the only way to truly complete the process is to continue around that circle. If you are hurting, then let someone help you SCREAM for help if you must. If you are healing/healed, then look around you for ways to encourage, love, and help others. Remember it can get messing, but you have been there you know. Maybe you are the ONLY one chosen for the task. What happens if you look the other way? What happens if you kick the tools to the curb? What happens if you refuse to unlock the door? Only you know those answers.

Three songs I leave you with that I reflected on while thinking about Jesus and Helping.

Jesus I Believe by Big Daddy Weave

Come to the Table by Sidewalk Prophets

Your Love Defends Me by Matt Maher

“So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.” Hebrews 4:16

Thank You so much for helping me hash this out. Once again you brought me to tears as I realized some of my own things … I myself healed a little bit more today.

Please pray for me as I am ALWAYS praying for you!

A Prayer of Release – Part 1

Posted on July 4, 2017Leave a comment

Last week I shared an Introduction post that I would occasionally create posts walking through this prayer. Or more like walking through my journey with this prayer and how it has changed a great deal in my life … the life of our family.

Heavenly Father, (Lord of my tomorrow), I release to You the burdens that I have been carrying, burdens that You never intended for me to carry. I cast all my cares upon You – all my worries, all my fears, (all my expectations). You have told me to not be anxious about anything, but rather to bring everything to You in prayer with thankfulness. Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You. I release to Your will all that I am trying to manipulate; I release to Your authority all that I am trying to control; I release to Your timing all that I have been striving to make happen. I thank You for Your promise to sustain my, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way. Amen!

This part 1 post will be about why I chose to add the “Lord of my tomorrow” portion to this prayer.

Now it may not be accurate or proper to say Lord of tomorrow … when He is the Lord of past, present, and future, right? Well, for me I do my journal entry’s and praying at night. Saying thanks for our day, praying over our prayer list, and asking for guidance for the next day. In those moments, I would sometimes find myself getting anxious of all that I had happening the next day or the entire week. Other times I would be beating myself up for poor meal planning, bad exercise habits, that another day went by and I did not do __________, etc. Suddenly, in one of those moments that I was feeling desperate and out of the blue (wink wink…right…a Holy Spirit reminder) I remembered how I should be giving my schedule, my thoughts, my insecurities, … my entire day the next day to Him. The words that came out were “Lord of my tomorrow” to just give Him the steering wheel. As I continued to pray this those words I started to realize how often I think about time beyond the moment, beyond the next day, and into the week. I was taking my eyes off the moment and the time right in front of my face, because I was focused on my to do list or events coming up. From that moment I go rid of my to do list and trusted Him to lead me each day to what had to be accomplished that day. Oh, trust me at first letting go and giving Him control of ‘my tomorrow’ was scary. I mean “how would I remember to do all the necessary things Lord without a list.” “Oh, wait, Lord, how about I just pray about my list and you lead me through what I need to put on that list.” After a little while I can not explain how wonderful things were not having a list and coming to realize I was able to maintain a household without a to do list.

NOW IN FULL DISCLOSURE… God has perfect timing having me write this blog tonight. Why? I have a to do list on my counter right now. I realize that starting back the first of May our schedule of events just spun out of my control. So, guess what I apparently did was take control by adding a to do list back to my day. JUST TODAY I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated … like I was battling someone or something. I sat down and said “Lord, you know that I know when I feel like I am battling it is because I am … my flesh is battling my calling. So, please show me what my flesh needs to ditch. What else do I need to cut out of my life that is holding me back.” Guess how He chose to answer that prayer …. getting me in front of the computer to “blog it out”. So, the ditching begins. There are too many things that are so important to me, but I have allowed other things to take priority over them. That might be another blog in the future.

Hoping my look at this prayer AND rambling about my own life shines a light into yours. As always I am praying for you would you please pray for me? Good Night!

My Favorite Compliment From Our Kids

Posted on June 29, 2017Leave a comment

Just some fun tonight … short and sweet…

So, when I was teaching the favorite sound my classroom of students could make was laughter. I LOVED hearing them laugh. If I could share all the crazy things I would do to get them to laugh I would. It was one of my goals each day to make them laugh or at least smile. My other goals where to love them, show them Christ by actions, and hopefully teach them.

Well, I have carried those three goals into my days as a home school Momma. First, to show them Christ with Love. Secondly, to hopefully teach them, but more than just curriculum. Finally, as often as possible to make them smile, roll their eyes while trying to hide a smile, and out right laughing. We dance. We make funny faces. We talk funny. On and On.

So, my favorite compliment is when, like my students before them, they call me a WEIRDO while giggling so hard.

To me that one word means so much. Why? Because I want them, next to knowing about Christ, to remember LAUGHING WITH THEIR MOM. I want them to remember my smile, not my scowl. I want them to remember the sound of my laugh, not my yelling. I could go on, but I think you get the point.

I still do not feel like we laugh enough, but we are a work in progress. How would you rate the laughter level in your home? Maybe review it.

As always I am praying for you, please pray for me. Good Night and God Bless!

A Prayer of Release – Introduction

Posted on June 28, 20172 Comments

Over the course of whatever number of days I am led to I will be doing a series on this prayer I found 2 years ago somewhere on social media. I wish I could cite its author, but there was no name on the picture and the person sharing it wasn’t the author. I am going with the assumption that the author is anonymous or just wanted to spread this prayer around. I have prayed this prayer literally EVERYDAY during the past 2 years. I wish I could count the number of tears I have shed while praying through it. The amount of past that has been ditched. Thus, my thought to start a series in which I will create a post about a part of the prayer that I am led to share. This will contain some personal testimony, thoughts, well as usual my rambling journal mind He gave me.

So, for this quick post I wanted to give you a heads up and share the prayer here. Then if you choose you can maybe start praying it and join in on this series in a more personal way. Each post will include the entire prayer, but I will bold print that part I will be focusing on. I should add those parts in parenthesis I added into the prayer. I will explain why when I get to those parts. Expect the first installment next week.

Heavenly Father, (Lord of my tomorrow), I release to You the burdens that I have been carrying, burdens that You never intended for me to carry. I cast all my cares upon You – all my worries, all my fears, (all my expectations). You have told me to not be anxious about anything, but rather to bring everything to You in prayer with thankfulness. Father, calm my restless spirit, quiet my anxious heart, still my troubling thoughts with the assurance that You are in control. I let go of my grip upon the things I have been hanging onto, with opened hands I come to You. I release to Your will all that I am trying to manipulate; I release to Your authority all that I am trying to control; I release to Your timing all that I have been striving to make happen. I thank You for Your promise to sustain my, preserve me, and guard all that I have entrusted to Your keeping. Protect my heart and mind with Your peace, the peace that passes all understanding. Father, may Your will be done in my life, in Your time, and in Your way. Amen!

I hope you are as excited about this series as I am. I have a few others in the works about the different areas of my life.

As always, I am praying for you all would you please pray for me? In fact, I know someone is … so many great things are happening!! Good Night!

I Am… Verses I Am Not…

Posted on June 27, 20174 Comments

Hello! Here I go again journaling through my thoughts with you…

This weekend I was thinking about how we have people in our life that we are not Catholic enough for them. Then I thought about how that was funny because then we have other people in our lives that we are too Catholic or Christian for them. So, those of you that know me and have had conversations with me know that my mind or thoughts can go ON AND ON AND ON….

So, I then began thinking about ALL THE things about myself that are enough for some people in my life, but to others is not enough at all.

Let us see…

I am enough Mom for child 1 today, but not for children 2, 3, or 4. Tomorrow it will be some other combination.

Today my husband is perfectly happy with my not being the best meal planner, but last week he was looking for something to eat and yep mumbling under his breath.

Oh, then there are the parents that think we are doing great with the ‘grand kid raising’ one minute, then the next are all to willing to offer assistance.

How about that boss … happy one day, but the next wanting more.

What about those people who do not want to be around you because you are too good? I have in my life been told I need to drink more, I need to stop talking about God, I need to quit being just so nice, etc. Ummm….okay … could it just be that my spirit makes them uncomfortable? They are being moved to change, change is hard, so they ignore it, but being around someone who has those good habits makes them uncomfortable. Many times they/we do not even know why that is why we don’t want to be around someone.

Do you see how this list could go on and on. How about adding in our OWN self-talk. Geez…who do you think is harder to make happy them or yourself?

Anyway … not sure my rambling has a point to it other than I am pretty sure we all FAIL everyday. EACH. AND. EVERY. DAY. We have all told ourselves and heard how we can not possibly make everyone happy all of the time. Well, do we really believe it ALL the time? I know I have to remind myself at least once a day that it is okay that those friends are not my ‘close’ friends because I am not __________ enough for them. I am who am I am, because God has me on my own journey, which I ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me on each day. If as a result, I fail at being enough to someone on this journey, but am enough for Him each day then all will be okay.

We will NEVER be enough for ourselves or this world. Our flesh and their flesh are always wanting MORE … more time, more money, more food, more perfection, etc. People have expectations, they most likely have no clue they even hold, that get placed on us and we will never meet them. Thus, we can not be their friend, or the perfect parent, or the best spouse, etc. Please just understand in His eyes you ARE PERFECTION, you ARE ENOUGH, you WILL SUCCEED…. just keep your eyes on Him. Let go of the things of the past, the things of this world, and cling to Him and all He has waiting for you.

Ha … do you all realize I am 99% of the time talking to myself in these posts. Shoot sometimes yelling or crying. Keeping it all real.

As always I am praying for you. Would you please pray for me? Good Night!

Do You Need a Time Budget?

Posted on June 23, 2017Leave a comment

Journaling ….

Today our kids and I started our day at a lake here in Michigan with family. It was our last day with them and we were sad to leave, but happy to be on our way home. Several times during the time we spent with them I reflected on how I used to push myself to be more, do more so I could have more, desire more time, etc. Are you ever that way? Wanting more time with anyone you love? Wanting more money to do whatever it is you desire to do with it? (Hopefully, good things.) Wanting more time in a day do all the things we think we should be doing? Or to do the things we crave doing? (i.e. crafts, reading, writing, hunting, etc.)

Well, this evening when we arrived home, unloaded our things, and began the task of putting it all away I found myself thinking about people I wanted to reach out to, time I wanted to spend with our kids (guys I home school … I am with our kids nearly 7 days a week 24 hours a day), so I should say spend QUALITY non-school time with our kids, planning a weekend with my husband…dang even just a date would be nice, on and on my mind went. Then it landed on writing and in that very moment our daughter commented,” Mom maybe since Dad will not be working any weekends this summer you can get a new bike, we can get a seat for the littlest one, and we can go on bike rides?” I so loved the idea of ALL these thoughts and things running through me head. Those of you that know me know how much they were all sucking me in. Ha! I started to feel anxiety and thinking “I can not do all these things and be all I need to be for everyone in my life and … LORD, I still REALLY want to read, watch TV sometimes, and Lord don’t you know I also need to check in to Facebook? How will people survive without my posts?” Okay I didn’t really think ALL that in that moment, but it hit me later when that same daughter in a conversation said “You didn’t hear me because you were on your phone.” Now don’t get me wrong I am NOT on my phone often at all, BUT honestly I am on it more than I should be and apparently enough to miss my kids needing me.

So, I looked began to look at my time as having to be budgeted like money. Just like we need to look at our spending to monitor where the money goes. We need to do the same thing with our time. When we look at money we list our NEEDS and priorities as expenses to include first, and then we add in the extras and make cuts. Well, the same is true about our time. We need to make a list of the things that NEED to be done for God, our family, home, and health. Then we add in the extras and/or cut things out. NOW sometimes we may need to do this right down to the minute to flush bad habits. For me the only thing I need to CUT out is checking my phone. I am sure when that bad habit is flushed God will reveal another … won’t you Lord. I am sure there are plenty, but one at a time. So, make your ‘time budget’ and let me know how it changed or didn’t change your day. Here is the kicker we get worried if we listen to what God wants us to do then we will never have time for what we want, but He ALWAYS makes time for all you need when you put what He needs first. ALWAYS! Sort of like when your kids do their chores you bless them with free time or some other reward.

Now … how I really got through my anxiety was just sitting down to prayers and making time to write…type out my thoughts. Again no grammar check. Just free flow. Sorry to the grammar police.

Final thought

” All the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever sailed, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as has this on solitary life.” Dr. James Allan Francis

If that is not clear, he is referring to Jesus. So, if all those people didn’t affect life here like Jesus who am I to think I can. So, each day just ask Him to set your time budget for the day and be intentional about sticking to it.

As always I am praying for you, please pray for me. Could you pray I set the anxiety stick down and just step out and live each day by faith? Thank you!!

It Is Time To … Live Full Walk Free

Posted on January 8, 20171 Comment

As my regular readers know I journal more than I write. So, if this is your first time reading my blog please know that I just let the words flow and try to make it readable later. Hopefully, you enjoy.

This past September I had made plans for others to take care of our kids while I attended a Women’s Retreat at Grace Adventures. As the weekend came closer I realized I never received a confirmation notice. I brushed it off thinking it would arrive the week prior. When it did not I thought I should call to check on things, but I was also beginning to wonder if I really wanted to go…all by myself. After talking to someone at Grace I learned I was in fact not registered, but there was still room. My head was saying “Just stay home. Save the money.” My gut was saying “Go! Go! Go!” I learned a long time ago to pick up my anxiety, emotion, and listen to my gut…so planning to go continued. Oh, and by the way I just picked the weekend that worked for my parents to have the kids I never even looked at who the speaker was going to be. It would be a random weekend away all by myself. Enough with the back story…

The Key Note Speaker that weekend was Cindy Bultema, who would be sharing with us four times that weekend (5 if you attended her break out session) from the book of 1 Corinthian’s, is from west Michigan, a writer/speaker, a wife, and Mom of four kids. I can’t say it was a POWERFUL weekend for myself, but I can say that it was a weekend I needed to move myself forward in my own thoughts about serving others. I did LOVE Cindy’s talk and learned a GREAT deal about what was happening in Corinth when Paul wrote these letters. I watched as many women made huge steps forward in their own faith, in their own walk with Jesus, and in their journey to shed shame, guilt, and negative self-talk. It was a weekend I needed for many reasons and I pray it was the beginning of a next phase in my own journey, but for me watching the work God did in the lives of others was awe inspiring.

I came home and immediately started a bible study in my home. I stepped out and trusted God to lead those that needed the time in His word, needed time with other women, or were searching for something, through my door. It was an emotional time for me to just put it out there and I can’t explain how my heart rejoiced as others joined me. Going through that eight weeks with three other ladies and starting a Facebook group that others joined through was a blessing that filled all of our hearts. We completed Cindy’s study Red Hot Faith during the time I was blessed to be apart of the launch team for Cindy’s new Bible Study Live Full Walk Free. This new study was where she pulled her talk from for the weekend retreat that impacted women for Him and I am sure it tore down walls that were keeping them from being all He made them to be. I want that for everyone…for all of you!!

I have not completely read the study, because I wanted to go through it with my Bible Study in February. I did skim through it and loved what I found in those 60,000 words!!! My heart truly believes this study will impact many for our Lord. Cindy worked very hard on this, she allowed God to lead her, and she struggled to get it written all for HIM to reach YOU…YOU, ME, and EVERYONE that goes through it.

Before I end I wanted to share some of Cindy’s thoughts…

Can you tell us a little bit about your new study and why you chose to use Corinth?

Live Full, Walk Free: Set Apart in a Sin-Soaked World is a six-session Bible study book and DVD series based on 1 Corinthians. I love how God’s Word contains instructions on every (yes, every) situation we might face in life—even instructing us on how to live set-apart lives right in the middle of today’s confused culture. Whether women have been studying the Bible for decades, or are still trying to figure this “Jesus thing” out, I hope they’ll find relevant material that meet them right where they are on their spiritual journey.

I picked 1 Corinthians because Paul wrote this letter to church members living in the “Sin City” of their day. (So when you see 1^st & 2^nd Corinthians, think 1^st & 2^nd Las Vegas!) The church members in Corinth were surrounded by immorality, idolatry and indulgence, much like our culture today. Together we can learn from Paul’s wisdom to the Corinthians as he addressed issues such as identity, unity, purpose, purity, as well as overcoming temptations. Good stuff!

What do you hope readers glean from Live Full, Walk Free?

Freedom in every area of their life—including their sexuality. I often meet women who are weighed down by the pain and humiliation of their sexual pasts, even many years later. I’ve shed tears with countless friends who expressed feeling intense guilt for premarital sex, having an abortion, affair, or other sexual sins. I’ve walked with beautiful women who disclosed their excruciating stories of childhood sexual victimization. They know it’s not their fault, they should “move on.” They’ve tried to live forgiven and free, yet, they can’t shake the shame.

Unfortunately I think sex is one of Satan’s favorite lures. Clearly he’s using sexual sin to hook our culture: Porn is rampant, sexting among teens is commonplace, and we can’t even go to the grocery store for salad fixings without seeing sexual images on the covers of checkout magazines.

For many women, living in our sex-crazed culture has drastically impacted one’s ability to live full and walk free. Trust me: I get it. For a girl like me with a past like mine, I know what it’s like to be burdened with regret, disappointment, heavy hurts. No judgment here, only grace.

This I know based on the authority of God’s Word: no matter what you have done, or what has been done to you—Jesus Christ came so you might live full and walk free. You are not the one woman who has outsinned the grace and mercy of God. There is no one too far gone from God’s amazing grace!

With over 15 years of ministry experience, Cindy is a popular women’s speaker, author, and Bible teacher. But don’t let her cheerful smile fool you—Cindy has endured single parenting, overcome bondage to addiction, and survived tragic loss.Cindy’s latest Bible study, Live Full Walk Free was released in December 2016. Cindy lives in Michigan with her husband and their four kids. Most days you can find Cindy walking her beagle Rocky, attending one of her boys’ hockey games, or serving hot lunch at her kids’ school.

Once we get into the study I will be sharing live about the study on my #LateNightTruthChats via Facebook Live on my blog page. Please click the link to like my page and get notifications to hear those chats to learn more about my thoughts on this study and … well whatever I am led to share. Until then please check out the link below and get your own copy of Cindy’s beautiful book. If you want to join a group you are welcome in my home or to join our Facebook Bible Study Group just let me know!! Otherwise, like ALWAYS know I am praying for you and PLEASE pray for Cindy and I!!

Find out more about Cindy’s new Bible study, Live Full Walk Free, plus download freebies for your own journey through 1 Corinthians here: http://www.cindybultema.com/live-full-walk-free/.

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