So, the joy of holding that blond blue eyed beautiful baby boy was nothing like I had ever known. Seeing in him parts of so many family members. Watching him grow to become a great joy in the lives of so many others. I remember having to go back to work and it broke my heart. As much as I loved teaching I wanted to raise my boy more. Yet, Gods plan is best and He needed that boy to spend time with his Grandpa and Grandma. Three years later Grandpa would go on to be with our Lord. When he was 1 year old Great Grandma passed away at the funeral home Grandpa told a friend of the family that having that little boy around each day was like getting his time back with his own boys. See Grandpa worked second shift many years and missed a great deal of time with his boys when they were little. God rewarded him for his work by giving him 3 years with our beautiful tenderhearted boy!
Around his first birthday we learned we were expecting again. So, we are now on our fourth pregnancy. All the thoughts of a boy or a girl ran through our hearts, minds, and words. We were excited. My husband at this point though preferred to keep things quiet after two miscarriages you learn how heart wrenching it is to tell people that you lost yet another child. I especially recall running into someone at the post office. They were all smiles and said “I heard you were expecting! Congratulations!!” Then I had to explain that we lost the baby. I felt very bad for this person as they were horrified, but they did absolutely nothing wrong! With all that said about 6 weeks again into the pregnancy we lost our third child. We sent another little soul to Heaven to with God.
At this point I need to add that a few of my co-workers knew every time we lost a child and in the case of the first two my students knew as well. I was sick and needed to run out of the classroom. I sort of felt like I needed to explain. I always felt so much love from them all after we lost a child. When we did have our boy they were all so wonderful. Giving us a shower and blessing us with gifts and prayers. I thank God for that love and support!
We mourned the loss of this third child. I recall lying in bed wondering what I was doing wrong. If I was being punished for something. Was I eating foods or drinking drinks that would causing something to happen, The entire time I was doing this I also KNEW it was nothing I did or wasn’t doing. I have since learned though that some blood type A women when deficient in selenium when carrying a boy are at higher risk of losing the baby. This research is in the early stages, but that which has been done is very extensive. What is the irony in this is that when looking at Blood Type Diet science blood type A’s are typically deficient in selenium. The research is done by two separate groups. So, that is probably another story.
We moved on like we did in the past. We continued to raise that blond haired boy to be all he could be. We also knew God would give us more babies. It was the desire of my heart I just knew He would see it through. Well, a few months later we were expecting again. This time our pregnancy had a good start. Then about 10 weeks I started spotting at work. I immediately went to the doctor and learned there was no heartbeat. Our sweet baby had died. The feeling was quite unreal to be laying there alone and have them tell you …to show you … there was no heartbeat. Then to go home to wait to have a DNC and still be vomiting. To still be sick …sick…sick…and know you were carrying your sweet baby that had died. One thing I think about now is how horrific this must have been for my amazing husband to watch me going through it all. How hard he must have prayed, but how alone too he must have felt. I am sure he never wanted to share his feelings with me. He wanted to be my shoulder. Certainly an amazing glorious husband he is and was to those babies that we never held. That our arms were eager to rock to sleep each night.
More about our journey another day.
God Bless you! Please pray for me I am praying for you!!